The most humbling defeat of my atheltic career occurred last Sunday at the Haag Lake open water swim west of Portland. Prior to Sunday, I would have gone back forty years into the archive to an age group swim meet in some stuffy Ohio YMCA. I was seven, eight years old moving up from the 25 and 50 to the 100 free. Could I hold it together for four laps? Turned out the best eight year old in the state was in lane four and his Little League mom was yelling at him psyching him up from the opposite side. He shot me a “You make me laugh” look. I wondered if I’d fit under the starting block.

If memory serves me correctly, I was between lap two and three when he finished. This is where it got comical, in a funny sad way. After touching he hopped out, quickly toweled off, and threw his pants and shirt on before my compatriot tadpoles and I finished. He made sure we saw him in his civvies. His mom was so proud. I really hope he survived his mom and kharma didn’t bite him in the ass.

The Haag Lake open water swims were 800m, 2k, and 4k. Some people did one, some two, some all three. Cool event in a beautiful location. I decided to do the 2 and 4 because I hadn’t gone long in the water since a high school water polo team five mile fund raiser. The memory of that five miler lives on among a few friends because I began hallucinating near the end. More specifically, I saw Jesus doing backstroke next to me in a flowing white robe. Exquisite form. Anyways, I feel strongly that swimmers should go long every thirty years.

I decided not to push the 2 so I wouldn’t die in the middle of the 4. As is sometimes the case, I had major sighting problems and swam way too wide. So I was pleasantly surprised to finish in 29:02. I was hoping to go sub 30 in the 2 and 60 flat in the 4. There were so many swimmers at the finish and spectators that I couldn’t really tell how I did until logging onto the web Monday morning. As I skimmed down I saw a 75 year old six or seven places above me, David Radcliff, 75, 26:40. MISTAKE! Alert! MISTAKE! No way, Jose.

I goggled him and learned he may be the fastest 75 year old on the planet, but still, spanked by a 75 year old?! I’m used to peers running and cycling by me, but I usually hold my own in the water. Radcliff was an All-American at Berkeley, holds nearly all the US records for his age group, and was in finals of the 1500m in the Melbourne Olympics, but still spanked by a 75 year old?! I wasn’t in race mode, but even if I was, even if I had taken perfect lines all the way around, even if I had worn my translucent zoomers, he would have beaten me.

I didn’t see if he quickly shed the wetsuit and put his clothes on. 

Now that I’ve had a few days to fully digest the humble pie, I find Radcliff incredibly inspiring. If you google him you’ll find a 13 minute video interview from a May, 2009 meet where he set several records. He said he did a 6:07 for the first 500 of his 1,650! Someday I hope to be the 75 year old ruining youngsters’ races. 

Makes me wonder how much time would the world’s fastest 75 year old runner put into me in a 10k, the world’s fastest 75 year old cyclist in a 40kTT. 

I sighted better during the 4, but fought a calf cramp which cost me a little time. I also faded over the last 1500, should have eaten between the events. I finished in 1:02:59 for those scorekeeping at home.

Radcliff sat that one out. Probably didn’t deem me worthy competition.