Primo-donno

Man I’m glad Sarah Palin gave up her boring chief executive gig and took to the road and airwaves. I’m going rogue in the Iowa cornfields right now, working with a small college faculty. As a part of my work, I’m giving a lecture. I turned to SP for inspiration and she did not disappoint. Here are the demands I laid down on my hosts. Pay especially close attention if you would like me to speak to your group.

1A) I must have time to run each day, 1B) the humidity can’t be above 80%, 1C) I must have Norman Rockwell-like views of cornfields at all times, and 1D) there must be a black Australian labradoodle to lick my sweaty face post-run. 2) I must have a widescreen t.v. with ESPN in multiple languages. 3) By dawn, a copy of the New York Times must be delivered to my room, preferably on a new iPad. 4) My rental car must be of German origins and come equipped with a radar dector. 5) When I enter the lecture hall, Beautiful Day by U2 must be playing. 6A) Audience members must at least feign interest throughout my talk. 6B) Security must respond swiftly and forcefully to any and all hecklers. 7) My prewritten questions to myself must be given to individual audience members in advance and appear to be their own. Eight) The post-lecture applause must be deemed rousing and heartfelt for me to stay after and sign programs. 9) I must only be served locally grown food and microbrews. Last but definitely not least, 10) My bedding must consist of a E. S. Kluft Beyond Luxury Sublime mattress, 1500 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets, a Siberian Goose luxury down comforter, and a soft Batiste 800 Fill Power European White Goose Down Pillow.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s