Anywhere Anytime

Visited the derm recently. My fair skin is giving out. Way too much sun early on. Living in Washington State means I won’t get that much more exposure, but I’m afraid the damage is already done. I’m supposed to go in for an annual check up, but didn’t seem to get around to it last year.

Dr. Derm was like a kid in a candy shop with the liquid nitrogen. Arm, forehead, back, leg. “Mind if I just. . . ” “No, go for it.” I could have timed it better since I’m in full blister mode days after Halloween. She added two biopsies for good measure. Have to go back next week to have a couple above the eye stitches removed.

She said it might leave a scar. Cool.

When I was twenty, I did a summer-long internship in inner-city Boston. Day two I was voted MLM, “Most Likely to get Mugged,” by my fellow interns. Was it my fault I had a safe, suburban, youthful mug?

Now though thanks to Father Time and Dr. Derm’s knife maybe I’m finally going to start looking like a bad ass.

In the middle of my internship, near the end of a hot and humid summer day in the Jamaica Plains section of Boston, I walked from a food bank where I volunteered two days a week to the nearest subway station for the trip back to Dorchester. Walking alongside a large housing project, I thought to myself, man, that’s a large water fight up ahead. Wonder how they get the hydrants open? Look at all the girlfriends on the porch.

Suddenly, the water fighters turned their attention to me as if I had a sign on that said “Help Ron Win the MLM”. And by “turning their attention,” I mean they started running after me with buckets in hand.

I’ve run fast maybe four times in my life. Three times in Louisville, Kentucky before age eight when I was deathly afraid of dogs and tried to outrun a few and that day in Jamaica Plains. Long story short, barely made it to the “T” unscathed. Those scoring at home recorded it as a near mugging.

Now, there will be no more running. I’ll be able to walk anywhere, anytime, Clint Eastwood Gran Torino style. I’m trading in my MLM for a BBA, “Biggest Bad Ass”. It’s about time.

Don't Mess With Me

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