To Be or Not to Be. . . Transparent

On a scale of 1 to 10, “1” meaning you’ve long lived a double life of which they have no idea, to “10” meaning you’re a perfectly open book, how transparent are you with your most intimate friend and/or spouse?

Post-ride, some cycling friends and I were discussing married life recently. I argued the more transparent, the more intimate. I added that the Good Wife and I were spending 30 minutes on Saturdays exploring “stuff” that we’d repressed for too long. When the two of us repress stuff, resentment builds up like long blonde hair in our guest shower, negatively effecting our whole relationship.

My two-wheeled friends argued on behalf of repressing nearly all the frustrations that come with being married. In essence, they argued the risk of openly and honestly sharing frustrations was much greater than the hypothetical reward of greater intimacy.

Finding friends more cynical than me, about anything really, brings me great joy, because I figure, there’s still hope for me.

Do they feel so much has gone unspoken for so long that they wouldn’t know where or how to start? And that they’d be overwhelmed by negativity? Is that how you feel if you’re in the “grin and bear it” camp? I marvel at my friends’ ability to successfully repress resentments of all differing magnitudes indefinitely.

Importantly, all of them have been married for a few decades. I suppose there as many ways to be happily intimate as there are intimate couples.


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