Dammit, I can’t take it any more. A few months ago the word on the street was Austin Reaves. Now it’s Travis Kelce.

Gerl, if you’re really interested in a long-term stable relationship, you gotta quit with the professional athletes, actors, and musicians.

Repeat after me, no public figures.

You need to find yourself a librarian who makes time for his grandmother on Sunday afternoons.

Granted, settling down with a normie may not be great for your art, but there are always trade-offs in life. If you want a family, find yourself a nice librarian and do your best to keep it on the down-low.

You’re welcome.

Ron