John McCain Needs My Help

Forget his appearance on The View, his asking me for money may be the strongest indication yet of how desperate he is.

Recall one of my “friends” gave the GOP my name and address awhile back (see June 16th post).  Now I’m thinking they may have even made a gift in my name because I just received an aggressive appeal for money from John.

The “Emergency Campaign Reply” form has my name and address at the top, then a Dear John salutation, then two boxes, both which I think I’m supposed to check off.  

Box one. “I am proud to stand with you as the Obama Democrats and their wealthy liberal backers focus their attacks squarely on defeating you and all our Republican candidates.  I want to do all I can to help stop the Democrats from seizing control of the White House and the entire federal government and implementing their radically liberal policies for our nation.”

Box two. “I am sending the following contribution to ensure we meet our goal of raising $10 million in the next 10 days to ensure we get our message and win a resounding victory for America on November 4th.”

Oh wait, more boxes.  Box three, $5,000.  Box four, $2,500.  Box five, $1,000. Please make your checks payable to McCain Leadership Committee.

Considerate to a fault, John even provided a filled out FedEx US Airbill and a FedEx express envelope.  If I had an iPhone, I would add his contact info since he provided his digits and seven addresses, I mean an Arlington, VA address.

The writing instructor in me can’t help but offer some feedback on the letter. One strength was the decidely personal tone.  Not only does the letter begin, Dear Ronald, but Ronald appears two more times.  Only my mom and wife ever call me Ronald, and that’s when I’m big in trouble, but setting that aside, it’s obvious John and I are connecting.

One suggestion is to consider dialing back the partisan invective just a bit.  And I quote. “Americans do not want higher taxes—the Obama Democrats do.  Americans don’t want to hand a victory to al Qaeda—the Obama Democrats do.”  John, I know a few Obama Democrats, and I’ve never heard them promote “Victory to al Qaeda” nor did I see any “Victory to al Qaeda” signs at the Democratic convention.  

I know you’re hoping to scare people into sending you money and voting for you, but  John, I’m not scared.  

You probably should be though.  You’re hoping for $1m a day, but Obama raised $9m last night in Hollywood. I guess there are some advantages to being a celebrity, like having celebrity friends who still have money left over even after the hemorrhaging on Wall Street.

Near the end of the letter John writes, “Ronald, please respond by September 15th.”  Dang, I’ve missed the deadline, but I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I hear from him.

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