I don’t care how it ends, this is a headline you never expect to read—Pope Lashes Out At . . . .

Here are some other improbables.

• Kim Jong-il Apologizes For . . .

• Armstrongs’ Teammates Report He Stubbornly Resisted PEDs

• Mugabe Apologizes For. . .

• Third Cloudless Day in Seattle Area

• Hugo Chavez to Privatize . . .

• Obama Breaks 80

• BP CEO Will Sell Yacht and Give Proceeds to Gulf Residents

• Congress Reaches Consensus On Tax and Spending Bill

• Young Hollywood Star To Enter Seminary

• Tiger Woods Desperately Wants on 2010 Ryder Cup Team