You know this already. With Canada. British Columbia more specifically. But she’s playing very hard-to-get, meaning I have not received an offer of citizenship yet. After all I’ve done for her, not to mention my charming personality, it’s an outrage.

So, ponder this from The New York Times by way of WalletHub.

I would like to invite the city managers of Orlando, Miami, Tampa, Scottsdale, and Casper to pitch me. By which I mean send me a proposal that I can’t refuse. To assist, here are my priorities. Strict gun laws, a progressive/liberal majority, clean open water exclusively for swimmers, state-of-the-art bike infrastructure, four seasons with one being a mild/sunny winter, vegetarian restaurants, and low enough housing costs that I can more easily bolt if and when Canada comes to her senses.

Thank you in advance.