Monthly Archives: November 2009

Right to Bear Arms

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The “Washington sniper” has been executed and Fort Hood’s Hasan is probably next. IF I understand correctly, here’s what the right would have us believe about these heinous crimes and how best to prevent future tragedies of their ilk. Mental illness is an excuse concocted by public defenders simply trying to save the lives of their clients. We’d greatly reduce violent crimes if we’d apply the second amendment right to bear arms so that private citizens (or members of the military on bases) can defend themselves from criminals who carry high powered guns. For every violent criminal there would be thousands of private citizens capable of shooting them dead in their tracks at the first signs of their weapons. We’d further reduce violent crimes (and save money and provide relief to the victim’s families) if we’d put these violent criminals to death more often. Increase executions and make violent criminals think twice before they kill innocent people.

Polling shows U.S. citizens are almost equally divided on the death penalty. I can’t imagine any scenario in which the “right to bear arms/death penalty hawks” are going to convince the “gun control/life in prison doves” to alter their thinking and vice-versa.

What to do?

Maybe we should just divide the country into 25 “hawk” and 25 “dove” states. Pick one representative of each view and have them take turns picking states for everyone else. Since I disagree with almost everything in paragraph one, I nominate myself for the doves, and my first pick is Washington State. Clint Eastwood, representing the Hawks, will no doubt take California which I’m not happy about at all. My second pick, Oregon.

For practical reasons, residents of hawk and dove states will be allowed to travel freely into ideological enemy territory; however, they will have to agree to adapt to life in ideological enemy territory. For example, Clint will have to leave his gun at home when he flies to Seattle and I will have to avoid committing a violent crime when visiting California lest I be fired upon by private citizens and/or executed by Ahrnold. Social scientists can do longitudinal studies on the quality of life in each set of states.

Problem solved. Happy to help.

And in Sports

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1. BASKETBALL. File this under “all eggs in one precarious basket” or “all skill, no will”.

2. BASEBALL. Alex Rodriguez on the heels of the Yankees’ World Series victory, “This is the reason I’ve jammed syringes in my ass cheeks all these years.” My fondness for baseball has ebbed. How do enthusiasts stomach the gross imbalance in teams’ payrolls? Granted, paying big bucks doesn’t guarantee a title, but not paying it pretty much guarantees having no chance (the TB Rays last year were an anomaly). The Yankees’ payroll is greater than three other teams combined. If the U.S. is a meritocracy, and baseball is America’s national past time, shouldn’t baseball at least pretend to be somewhat of a meritocracy and institute a salary cap?

3. FOOTBALL. There’s lots of evidence that football has surpassed baseball as the nation’s favorite sport. Just when you thought we couldn’t become even more desensitized to violence. I like watching football although the games take way too long. The challenges, replays, and endless commercials are just brutal. Not sure what I’d do without ESPN highlights. I’ve been intrigued by the recent scientific research and related congressional hearings on the frequency of brain damage among too many NFL veterans. No one should be surprised that a game based upon speed and intense physical contact leads to serious health problems later in life. But here’s a question I’ve never heard asked. As a fan who watches am I complicit in these player’s shorter life spans and reduced quality of life? Purists say expanding the protection that additional equipment and rules can provide takes away from the essence of the sport. I say improve the equipment and tighten the rules as soon as possible so I can watch ESPN highlights free of ethical self-doubt.

4. RUNNING. Like me I’m sure, you were enthralled by Meb Keflezighi’s New York City Marathon victory two Sunday’s ago. First American to win in 27 years. Wore a “USA” singlet and wrapped himself in an American flag afterwards. I can appreciate Meb’s patriotism. Born in war-torn Eritrea, he grew up in San Diego and starred at UCLA. He deeply appreciates the opportunities he’s been provided as a US citizen. So I don’t begrudge Meb wearing his nationality on his sleeve, but I wonder why the rest of us seem so keen on mixing athletics and nationalism. Post-race some questioned whether it was a “true” American victory since Meb was born in East Africa like a disproportionate number of the world’s best runners. Others said it represented a clear resurgence in American long distance running and look for additional wins for the red, white, and blue. Why can’t we just appreciate elite long distance running as simple, pure, and beautiful without all the nationalism? I understand Ethiopians immense pride in Derartu Tulu’s inspiring victory in the women’s race because Ethiopia is so poor and people struggle mightily, but I don’t understand the ways people from developed countries equate national greatness with something like marathon times. What does having the world’s fastest runner in New York in a Sunday in late October or the fastest swimmer in Beijing in August have to do with national greatness? If national greatness is a zero-sum game, wouldn’t it make more sense to compare the relative health of average citizens, or every countries environmental footprint, or relative quality of life more generally? Like Meb, I deeply appreciate the privileges my US citizenship provides, but don’t expect me to be rockin’ the USA singlet when I win the NY City marathon.

5. GOLF. Like me I’m sure, you took advantage of the 13-16 hour time difference to take in a few minutes of the Shanghai Open (my name for it) last Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evenings. Two seriously disturbing happenings to report, three if you include my invitation apparently being lost in the mail. The Chinese are slowly learning about golf etiquette. Last year they walked right up to the edge of the greens and routinely invaded the personal space of the players which strikes me as funny. This year they roped things off. Problem solved. This year’s problem is far more heinous. I kid you not, effing billboards in the fairway. While watching people putt you can’t help but notice billboards for some damn Chinese products in the background. My fear is this spreads. I predict 22nd century historians will single this decision out as the critical moment civilization began it’s inexorable decline. Damn all of you Chinese tournament/marketing directors. May your lives be one endless double bogey. While that’s my sign of the apocalypse, the players would point to the incessant camera lenses and ringing cell phones they had to contend with this year. While it’s hard to feel sorry for guys who got as much as six figures for showing up, here’s a quote that explains a hell of a lot about global politics and life at the beginning of the 21st century. “Yeah, I know the rules because I play, too,” said one Shanghainese man in Tiger’s gallery after being reprimanded by a marshal for talking on the phone. “I just forgot to turn it off. It was an important customer, so I had to take the call.” An important customer. An effing important customer. Now I understand the woman in church whose phone has gone off the last few Sundays, students whose phones go off in class, the guy at the movie theatre, the woman at the concert, important customers. Finally a way forward in defining what form electronic etiquette should take. It’s okay to take calls whenever, wherever, as long as it’s an important customer. Shanghainese man, may your life be a perpetual triple bogey.

Postscript. Busy weekend. Anyone catch the score of the Washington-UCLA game Saturday? Also, I think I’m going to pull the plug on the “Week that Was”. Just didn’t feel it was contributing much. No juice. Then again, maybe I just want to be able to jump out of the pool after 500 meters and not feel the collective dismay of my burgeoning readership. I will now commence slacking in private. More seriously, rest assured, I will continue swimming, cycling, and running a few times each week until the body gives out and I’m sure I’ll write about those activities on occasion.

Word Play

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Much to the chagrin of traditionalists, the English language is dynamic as annual updates to dictionaries illustrate. The numerous ways we engage with the internet is one catalyst for change.

In my blogging I’ve recently discovered an important language gap. What do you call it when a commenter’s (e.g. Francis’s, Michael’s) reply is more insightful and engaging than the original post? Exactly, there’s no such word. So, unless any of you have a better idea, from now on I will refer to such comments as “sops”, which stands for “supersedes original post”. Here’s some possible forms it might take. “Man, the recent run-up in sops has been a bit  embarrassing.” Or “Yo dude, better raise your game, you’ve been getting mega-sopped lately.” Or “Stop sopping me or start your own damn blog.”

Shifting gears, what’s with the egregious overuse of “nation” to demarcate group identity? The Colbert Nation, Raider Nation, Bruin Nation, fill-in-the-blank Nation. (When describing the current administration’s policies, my right-wing friends forgo the space and just go with Obamanation.) Maybe I should rename the blog “Ron Nation”, “Byrnes Nation”, or “A, L, to the Dizzle Nation”. Maybe this “nation” overload is a reaction to every nation’s ebbing sovereignty. As a global citizen I hereby declare myself a member of the United Nations Nation, a sometimes maligned group, but they have a much better record than Raider Nation.

Unless you’re sleepwalking through this post, you noticed a little hip hop somethin’ somethin’ smack dab in the middle of the previous paragraph. That’s right, a new nickname, thanks to ‘dra. I call Alexandra, one of my daughter’s friends, ‘dra because when you’re my age and an endurance athlete you have to conserve energy. Calling my daughters’ friends by their nicknames drives said daughter crazy, so being semi-stuck in adolescence, I do it more. Fortunately, ‘dra doesn’t mind and she’s one of my favs. The other day in the middle of swim practice she gave me a new nickname. That’s right, from Ronald, “A,L, to the dizzle.”

Nicknames are funny. They’re given to you and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’ve had some I’ve liked over the years, Rook (from an older friend), Rhode Island Red, H.D. (for Heavy Duty), and now, “A, L, to the dizzle.” Let me pause here and ask the best editor on the planet a question. Mom, should I be capitalizing the “D”? I’ve reluctantly embraced other nicknames like “Slip” and some that are not appropriate for the family audience. Slip stems from my tendency to sometimes lie down on the street and rest when running in the winter. I admit, I can be vertically challenged.

As a parting gift, a word for you to begin dropping into conversation, bifurcate, split or divide into two. It’s important to ease into it’s use though. Once it rolls off your tongue you can proceed to bifurcated, bifurcation, and if you’re really feeling it, bifurcating. It’s a perfectly balanced word in that your use of it won’t cause the guy on the stool next to you to call you a “pretentious, elitist ass,” but at the same time he’ll know you read more than the sports page. Sample sentence. Saturday’s bifurcated run included a longer, steady segment, followed by a shorter, faster one.

The Fat Premium

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The title of an article on Slate.com, my favorite on-line mag. Subtitle, “Congress toys with a silly plan to make Americans lose weight.” Last line on page 1, “OK, what’s so bad about penalizing workers for being fat?”

I write a lot of book reviews and I always avoid reading other reviews of the book I’m working on until I’ve written my own because I don’t want to be influenced by anyone else’s analysis.

Similarly, beyond the title, subtitle, and one sentence, I didn’t read the article so that I could weigh in on it independently. Pun intended.

One of my close friends that I run with often complains that the two of us don’t get a health care discount despite our exercise regimen. Instead of penalizing any group of people, why not just reward individuals committed to a healthy lifestyle? Wouldn’t an economist argue though that’s a “passive penalty” of sorts on sedentary folks? It’s like giving some high schoolers “good grade discounts” on their car insurance. That means insurance companies have to collect more premiums from other students.

Passive “sorry you don’t get the discount” penalties seem much more palatable than singling out heavy people who have to deal with ample discrimination already. What’s heavy anyways? You can forget the government’s body index matrix unless you’re content with over half the population being overweight.

Another complication, how do insurers accurately assess who is committed to an exercise regimen, is fit, and deserves a discount? I can see it now, a national health care 10k every July 1st. Every minute you run under one hour, you get a percentage discount. So run a 45:00 10k and receive a 15% discount.

I’m more in favor of user taxes. Tax the crap out of cigarettes, Big Macs, cinnabuns, and even soda. Just stay away from my chocolate milk.

Week that Was—10/26-11/1

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10/26 M T W R F SA SU Total
S 500 1,9002k—29:247:31, 7:29, 7:16, 7:08100-1:04

1st place

 2,400

 

20,500
C 171:02

50 steady

12modhard

 171:02

50 steady

12modhard

 34

 

262
R 7.75

1:05Wendy

 6.9

53:36

 6.35

Mike 50+

 11.2

1:35

 32

 

126

S: Odd week. Tuesday morning I was so preoccupied by my lengthier than normal work “to do” list I hopped out 500 meters in. Even freaked the life guard out. Can’t remember the last time I did that. I’m doing some guest coaching during the high school “super season” so that a group of junior varsity swimmers can extend their season. Thursday I got to practice at Evergreen early so I could finally get a swim work out in (still trying to figure out what the dude wearing sweats in the sauna was all about, did not look like a wrestler, and was swigging water every 30 seconds). By the time I got in I only had 35 minutes. I don’t know what came over me, but I decided to do a continuous 2k. Actually, I think I may have been feeling guilty for skipping the Y’s “Monster Mile” or 1650. Instead of going 1650 hard, I decided to cruise 2k. Turned out I was fresh from not really having swam all week and so I did a slow build. One daughter was embarrassed I was coaching in jammers and t-shirt while the other, who recently lowered the family 500 record again to 6:13 this time, wanted to race. I kept blowing her off until finally relenting and saying, “Okay, at the end of practice.” So that’s how I found myself on the middle block between the two co-captains, ‘dra and A. “My” junior varsity swimmers were watching so my credibility was at stake. I toyed with the co-caps for the first fifty just sitting on them wondering when they were going to accelerate. Then at the 75 yard mark my turbo boosters fired and I rocketed ahead. When coach said, “1:04, 1:05, 1:07” A to the L to the Dizzle was the champion. Good thing my gal pal wasn’t there to see my Phelps-like victory celebration. I said to A, “Interesting three body lengths is one second.”

C: Sunday was beautiful and I should have rode, but instead I shoveled dirt to help with the overseeding project. Interestingly, after only ten months, I’m at all time yearly swimming and cycling totals. Just as I had planned for 09, my running totals are off about 20%. I’ve taken from running to add to swimming and cycling. Will probably do the same in 2010

R: Once again, no speed work. And standard runs were at slightly slower paces than normal. Maybe the backing off a bit was why I was able to push the pace near the end of Saturday’s group run. Total time doesn’t reflect my best “Meb in Central Park” impersonation over the last two-plus miles.