How Not To Win Friends And Influence People

I couldn’t take the relentless mix of fear and negativity on “Nextdoor” so I unsubscribed. But it’s one of those subscriptions that makes it especially difficult to unplug so I keep getting occasional summary “digests”. From which the above missive comes.

C.W. is on a mission. And maybe my right wing nutter friends are right about me and I’m just a snowflake since C.W. has 83 “hearts” and counting.

But it seems to me, if the goal is to effect change, the tone is all wrong. What evidence is there that chastising improves behavior?

HAD C.W. employed me as their* editor, the first thing I would’ve suggested is change the Frump-like all caps because what evidence is there that yelling improves behavior?

C.W. seems to think the future of hummingbirds depends upon their righteous indignation. The whole damn bird/insect/nature ecosystem, if not life itself as we know it, seemingly hangs in the balance.

Other edits. Because less is more, delete the first two and last two sentences at minimum. Make it less personal and accustory and insert a “please” or two. In other words, more sugar water and less fire hose.

The “free of charge” final draft.

Recently, I saw a hummingbird with it’s tongue out which made me think that some people may not know how important it is to clean their feeders with soap and water every few days. And please, if you see white filmy crap, use white vinegar and water to get rid of bacteria. Mother Nature, the hummingbirds, and I thank you.

p.s. Great 60 Minutes segment last night on how birding has revived parts of Colombia’s forested areas and economy that until recently were riddled with political violence. One of Colombia’s, and the world’s most well known birders said that hummingbirds “are complete warriors always fighting for territory”. Who knew they were so agro?

*Why do I assume C.W. is female?

Powell’s Bookstore And Officer Jenkins For The Win

From the “Keep Portland Weird” Facebook Page.

MAN ARRESTED AFTER BREAKING INTO A FAMOUS BOOKSTORE ON BURNSIDE AT MIDNIGHT TO FINISH A BOOK HE “WASN’T GOING TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP WITHOUT”

Leonard “Lenny” Whitaker, 67, of Portland, Oregon, was charged Tuesday with breaking and entering after slipping into a closed famous bookstore on Burnside through a propped emergency exit at 12:10 AM—all to finish the final 47 pages of a thriller he had been quietly working through in the armchair section for four straight afternoons.

According to the report, Whitaker discovered the book on day one, read for several hours, carefully re-shelved it spine-out for easy retrieval, and returned daily like it was a part-time job. On day four, he was politely asked to leave at closing with 47 pages left—at what he later described to officers as “an absolutely unacceptable emotional cliffhanger for a man my age.”

Details from the police report:
Located the book in complete darkness using his phone flashlight in under a minute (“muscle memory,” he claimed)
Returned to his exact armchair like a seasoned professional
Came prepared with reading glasses, a granola bar, and what officers described as “focus”
Finished the remaining 47 pages in 1 hour and 14 minutes
Re-shelved the book properly (alphabetically, no less)
Found seated calmly with the book closed in his lap, staring into the middle distance like he’d just unpacked something personal
When officers asked if he was okay, Whitaker replied,
“Yeah… I just thought it was going somewhere else.”
He declined to elaborate.

Officer Jenkins noted in the report, “He didn’t run. Didn’t panic. Just… needed closure. Honestly, we’ve all been there.”

The bookstore has declined to press charges, despite the abandoned granola bar wrapper, which management described as “mildly disappointing but understandable.”
The book has since been purchased by three customers. Whitaker has not returned.

He came for answers. He left with… complicated feelings.

Postscript: Alternative Title, “Powell’s Bookstore, Officer Jenkins, And Whomever Left The Emergency Door Propped Open For Whitaker For The Win”

What I Believe

A new friend I’m enjoying spending time with asked me recently, “Do you go to church? Did you? How were you raised, religiously?”

I can quickly and easily answer those questions. No. Yes. Semi-religiously. But those cryptic responses beg follow up questions, especially, what happened that caused you to stop attending church? But instead of explaining that here, I’m guessing she was most curious about what I believe.

I appreciate the meaning many people find in being active church goers. The way the music, liturgical traditions, friendships, and community service enrich their lives. Organized religion is almost always a net positive.

For me though, the ancient hymns, and too often patriarchal liturgies and prayers, combined with a dearth of opportunities for intentional and democratic small group communication, made church participation less and less compelling post-Covid. I also believe anyone who thinks their own faith tradition is the one and only true one needs to see more of the world.

I am not explaining my thinking to persuade you to think similarly. I do not need you to think similarly to me for me to be secure in my beliefs. I am all for church participation for thee, just not for me. But, as the numbers clearly show, I am not alone in finding transcendence elsewhere.

And although I am dechurched, I believe in the supernatural, more specifically in a holy spirit if you will.

I seek transcendence in three places primarily: nature; the arts; and close interpersonal relationships.

I believe in the Salish Sea, Aspen trees, the Cascades, the Pacific coast, and all of Western Canada.

I believe in words and imagination, and emotions and stories, and how some people combine them in ways, that for me, are truly transcendent. I believe in Ian McEwan, Richard Russo, Joan Didion, and Jonathan Franzen. And I believe in modern dance, painting, and the power of film. Artists convince me, over and over, that things will be okay in the long run.

And I believe in family, the kind that’s based on birth and the kind people thoughtfully cut and paste together over the years. I especially believe in caregivers, like Olga, Abigail, and Fufu, who hold families together.

And I believe in the emerging social scientific consensus that says well-being mostly consists of making close friends and then spending time with them. I believe in the simplicity of that formula.

And I don’t just believe, but know in the depths of my soul that tomorrow is not guaranteed and I cannot afford to put off being in nature, reading ebullient stories, celebrating art, hanging with family and friends, and loving deeply.    

Hotel California

Friday morning, I woke up in Washington State’s capital, per usual. Then I leapfrogged from Tumwater Costco to Medford Costco to California’s state capital and M and C Griffins Sacto crib*, hemorrhaging large swaths of my lifetime savings at the pump as I migrated south.

I was asked to deliver a message. Which I did.

Gav,

Eat the rich.

Bobby

Saturday’s tuneup ride was a flat, fun affair alongside the Sacto and American rivers. Well, except for trying to stay on MGriffins wheel when he got frustrated by my pedestrian pacing.

Today’s drive begins shortly. Destination San Diego where a week-long circumnavigation of the County awaits. 16 other crazies. Different California Hotel every night. Mark scaring me a bit by saying the group is “interesting” then just smiling evilly as if words don’t do them justice.

Your humble blogger will do his best to match their crazy. It will be fun to meet new people, ride new roads, and to dry out under blazing, cloudless sunshine. If only I wasn’t so undertrained. Don’t tell the crazies I’m a lil’ nervous.

Raise your hand if you’d like me to blog San Diego County bike week. Okay, thank you, you can put your hands down.

Raise your hand if you’re a numbers person and will (somehow) be content to just follow me on Strava. Okay, thank you, you can put your hands down.

Raise your hand if you’re of the same mind as my sissy who often reminds me, “Ron it’s not all about you.” Meaning, not only do you not want to know anything about how next week unfolds on the roads of San Diego County, but you’re deeply regretting even reading this intro.

The “please, please, please blog SDC cycling tour” contingent carries the day. Congratulations to them and everyone whose lives are about to be changed by my reporting.

Remember, when it comes to the humble blog, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”

*If you ever get the chance to stay at Chez Griffin, take it. Bespoke hospitality marked by amazing food and conversation.

Postscript. If UCLA wins today, I’ll pick up the Crazies dinner tab. Oh wait, I forgot how much the drive is going to cost. Nevermind.

When Will It Ever End?

How does one humble blog so damn long? Is it the endurance athlete in me? Or the fame or fortune? Something all together different?

Before I tell you, a peek behind the curtains. I get inquires from East Indians with fake American names all the time, promising blogging glory though improved SEO, search engine optimization. Persistent buggers. I always say “no thank you” since I have no interest in monetizing this collection of knuckleheaded ideas. I have made zero effort to improve the site with an eye towards a larger readership. Which prob explains why I only get 100-200 site visits a day, except for the day I posted a picture of a bikini clad woman snowboarding. That day, my running posse probably accounted for 100-200 themselves.

Still, as I have written in the past, one of the coolest things about my small readership is the surprisingly high number of international readers, usually about 25% of the total. Por exemplar, for reasons I cannot explain, I’ve been blowing up in Singapore lately. I see you Singapore! Thank you!

But the best explanation for my literary longevity is that inevitably, whenever my enthusiasm wanes, someone says to me that they’ve appreciated something I’ve written. Almost always, someone who I had no idea was a reader.

Yesterday afternoon, capitalizing on beautiful weather, I walked to a meeting with a Certified Financial Planner whose office is by the Farmer’s Market. And then, on the way back, near Bayview Thriftway, a kitted up Roger materialized at the end of a ride. Roger lives in West Olympia so he was headed up the bridges and right by the Crib.

When he saw me, he pulled over to the curb and took his ear buds out. After our heartfelt bro handshake, he apologized for not having reached out during Lynn’s illness or since her passing. I told him not to worry about it, that that was okay. Would not have expected him too. He didn’t know Lynn and we hadn’t ridden together for sometime.

But, he said, with genuine emotion rare for the male species, he’d been reading the blog, “Even though it was really hard to at times.” Then he expressed the same appreciation that so many have, for me sharing our experience caring for Lynn in her final years, months, and days, as openly and honestly as possible.

And here’s the thing. Just maybe, absent my responsibilities for Lynn, absent professional responsibilities, absent any reason not to prioritize friendships, I’m learning to be present. Because I didn’t want to be anywhere else doing anything else. Buddhist-like contentment. My only time-related thought was how long Roger wanted to sit leaning on the curb clipped into one pedal.

After Roger shared a little bit about his own recent health struggles and Capital Forest mountain bike riding, he headed up and to the west, looking like a young Alberto Contador.

And I thought maybe this matters. And just maybe, I’ll continue.

Postscript. Another thing I don’t think I’ve ever done in lo’ these many years is ask readers for anything. Since streaks are made to be broken, let’s break that streak here and now. Be a Roger. Occasionally at least, when you read someone who moves you, let them know. It doesn’t necessarily have to be IRL as the kids say. Almost every online pub provides ways to leave comments. Resolve to leave a comment on occasion. It’s not hard. Not just here, but anywhere writers are trying to foster community. You may think your words of affirmation don’t amount to much, but au contraire.

Postscript 2. A more specific ask. Lately, I’ve been contemplating the advantages/disadvantages of this format versus starting a Substack. If you have an informed opinion, I’d be interested in hearing it. Thanks.

Postscript 3. Sometimes I amaze myself. Like when I spell “au contraire” correctly the first time. :)

Postscript 4. Today, Hong Kong SAR China is in the lead. East Asia/South East Asia battle royale!

Maybe We’re All Sign-Holders

What do you think when you pass under political, sign-holding people on freeway overpasses? Of either variety, bright red or dark blue?

My internal dialogue. “Apart from posting on Facebook, I don’t think anyone could choose a less effective form of political persuasion. Has anyone ever, in world history, said, ‘You know, I was driving south on the I-5 when I looked up and saw an outstretched sign that said ‘X’. Until that moment, I really believed ‘Y’. But now, I realize how misguided I have been and I’ve completely come around to ‘X’.”

At 65 mph, the outstretched sign advert might last 1-2 seconds. That’s not even subliminal.

The sign holders are careful to keep a safe distance from their opponents they’re hoping to somehow convert. Their method is a metaphor for our modern age. We’re all steadily improving at keeping a safe distance from one another. Getting better and better at reducing the inconvenience and unpredictability of direct, interpersonal contact.

Abrupt shift. You may be wondering how I’m doing. Lots of people appreciated the “rawness” with which I described Lynn’s final chapter. Now though, I feel like the humble blog is completely inadequate for telling my story. Of how I’m doing.

I suppose, like the sign holders, I’m afraid too. Afraid to “keep it real” in way too impersonal a format.

So what to do? I don’t know.

Makeda For The Win

Don’t tell anyone that Makeda was one of my favorite students in my Fall 2024 First Year Writing Seminar.

In large part, because she was from Gondar, Ethiopia. As if our Ethiopian connection wasn’t enough, she was super diligent and hyper intelligent, both academically and interpersonally. As a result, she elevated every class discussion by picking her places to make extremely thoughtful contributions. She dug the course material and it showed.

I’m worn down from having read thousands of first year essays, and yet, I always looked forward to Makeda’s. A superb writer with mature insights that belied her age.

So I was happy to get an email from her today asking if I would edit her nursing school admission essay. As I suspected, the essay didn’t really need anything apart from massaging a few phrases.

But it left me with a familiar dilemma. I’ve had the good fortune to teach several Makeda’s from near, meaning mostly Eastern Washington, and far. Students who are the “first in their families” to attend university. Students who are motivated by their families sacrifices to excel. Students who do excel relative to their peers.

These Makedas almost always aspire to the helping professions, teaching, nursing, social work; because, I think, it’s as ambitious a future as they can envision for themselves.

And of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a third grade teacher, or registered nurse, or social worker. “Absolutely nothing wrong” is a poor way of putting that, more to the point, there’s everything right with choosing those professions.

Still, I get this nagging feeling that inspired me to write this to Makeda just now when I returned her barely marked essay.

“Excellent work Makeda. You will sail through. Trust my few suggestions came through, if not, let me know. Only question I have is whether you might make even more of an impact as an MD. Either way, I’m excited for your future. Ron”

I have no doubt Makeda could excel in medical school and in practicing medicine, just like I have no doubt that my Makeda’s who plan to teach K-12 could pursue PhD’s and someday replace and exceed my university colleagues and me.

Maybe I’m projecting a superficial impulse that mo’ status is mo’ better? An obviously problematic premise.

I just don’t know if Makeda has considered the possibility of becoming a doctor, thus my nudge. I would love to turn her life upside down with that suggestion.

Either way, she’s destined to flourish.

Postscript. The reply.

“Thank you so much for your kind message and encouragement! I really appreciate it. I received your comments and suggestions and will do my best to adjust accordingly.

I also wanted to thank you for your thoughtful comment about the impact I could make as a physician, it really encouraged me! God willing, I do have a plan to pursue an MD in the future, and I was wondering if you think it would be a good idea to mention this in my last essay.

Thank you again for your time and support!

Makeda”

Postscript 2. Anyone who has ever uttered the phrase “shithole countries” has never met a Makeda.

Indie Bookstores For The Win

From The New York Times, “Dragons, Sex and the Bible: What Drove the Book Business This Year”.

This year, 422 newly opened stores joined the American Booksellers Association — nearly a hundred more than joined last year. . . .

“It’s exciting to see so many people shopping in alignment with their values, and I see that reflected in the tremendous support communities have given indie bookstores this past year,” said Allison Hill, the C.E.O. of the A.B.A. “In some ways, I think that’s a response to the turmoil of 2025 in this country and reflects a backlash against billionaires and algorithms. Indie bookstores are proving to be an antidote for the time we’re living in.”

My draft novel is about a hopelessly promiscuous dragon experiencing an existential crisis.