“Trump’s” Farewell Address

I’m here to save you 20 minutes of your life.

The Address is not really his. At minimum, the first half was written by people with no feel for his syntax and rhetoric. I suspect this announcement was made in the White House. “Would any remaining staff please report to the conference room to help write the President’s Farewell Address. Thank you.”

Just a few of the examples where the authors’ insult our intelligence.

To his children:

“You fill my world with light and with joy.”

On the advice of his attorneys, after passively watching the insurrection go down on television and not commenting on it for two days:

“All Americans were horrified by the assault on our Capitol.”

From the President of Red America:

“Now more than ever, we must unify around our shared values and rise above the partisan rancor. . .”

From the Narcissist-in-Chief:

“America had given me so much, and I wanted to give something back.”

From the person who repeatedly tried to wish Covid-19 away:

“We grieve for every life lost, and we pledge in their memory to wipe out this horrible pandemic once and for all.”

From the person who continually protested against protesters and fought the principle that every citizen is entitled to equal dignity, equal treatment, and equal rights:

“We fought for the principle that every citizen is entitled to equal dignity, equal treatment, and equal rights because we are all made equal by God. Everyone is entitled to be treated with respect, to have their voice heard, and to have their government listen.”

Half way in, there’s a dramatic shift in tone. These two boasts sound very, very much like Ex-President Trump:

“Incomes soared, wages boomed, the American Dream was restored, and millions were lifted from poverty in just a few short years. It was a miracle. The stock market set one record after another, with 148 stock market highs during this short period of time, and boosted the retirements and pensions of hardworking citizens all across our nation. 401(k)s are at a level they’ve never been at before. We’ve never seen numbers like we’ve seen, and that’s before the pandemic and after the pandemic.”


“Another administration would have taken 3, 4, 5, maybe even up to 10 years to develop a vaccine. We did in nine months.”

Finally, at the very end, a return to creative writing. From the most angry President of my lifetime.

“I go from this majestic place with a. . . joyful heart.”