Category Archives: travel

Hotel California

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Friday morning, I woke up in Washington State’s capital, per usual. Then I leapfrogged from Tumwater Costco to Medford Costco to California’s state capital and M and C Griffins Sacto crib*, hemorrhaging large swaths of my lifetime savings at the pump as I migrated south.

I was asked to deliver a message. Which I did.

Gav,

Eat the rich.

Bobby

Saturday’s tuneup ride was a flat, fun affair alongside the Sacto and American rivers. Well, except for trying to stay on MGriffins wheel when he got frustrated by my pedestrian pacing.

Today’s drive begins shortly. Destination San Diego where a week-long circumnavigation of the County awaits. 16 other crazies. Different California Hotel every night. Mark scaring me a bit by saying the group is “interesting” then just smiling evilly as if words don’t do them justice.

Your humble blogger will do his best to match their crazy. It will be fun to meet new people, ride new roads, and to dry out under blazing, cloudless sunshine. If only I wasn’t so undertrained. Don’t tell the crazies I’m a lil’ nervous.

Raise your hand if you’d like me to blog San Diego County bike week. Okay, thank you, you can put your hands down.

Raise your hand if you’re a numbers person and will (somehow) be content to just follow me on Strava. Okay, thank you, you can put your hands down.

Raise your hand if you’re of the same mind as my sissy who often reminds me, “Ron it’s not all about you.” Meaning, not only do you not want to know anything about how next week unfolds on the roads of San Diego County, but you’re deeply regretting even reading this intro.

The “please, please, please blog SDC cycling tour” contingent carries the day. Congratulations to them and everyone whose lives are about to be changed by my reporting.

Remember, when it comes to the humble blog, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”

*If you ever get the chance to stay at Chez Griffin, take it. Bespoke hospitality marked by amazing food and conversation.

Postscript. If UCLA wins today, I’ll pick up the Crazies dinner tab. Oh wait, I forgot how much the drive is going to cost. Nevermind.

Application Denied

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Vic postscript.

Back home as my application for citizenship was denied. The official explanation was two-fold.

First, I failed the “Field Test” by which they mean “Ice Test”. Anyone from the (dis)U.S.A. applying for citizenship has to skate end-end-to-end in under ten seconds. As I tightened the laces of my skates, I thought I could do it. Remember, I did skate at Kent State University weekly in the winters while living in Tallmadge, OH in primary school. Also, I thought if I could just channel Alysa Lui! You know, not focus on that red Canadian passport with the maple leaf on it, just use the test as an opportunity to express my bofo athleticism and joy. Should be easy peasy.

It took me 11 seconds.

Second, they wrote, “Applicant represents no real commercial value to the Canadian economy. Kinda a sadsack, spent most of his time moping around in his room. Mostly only exited the hotel to eat. Did try on a hoodie at Mountain Equipment Coop, but didn’t follow through on the purchase. Did take the business card of the artist exhibiting in the hotel’s cafe, but didn’t purchase any of her paintings.”

It seems to me they could’ve stopped after the first “no real commercial value” sentence. Didn’t have to get so personal. As if I don’t have any feelings.

Their closing statement left no wiggle room for a do-over. “It is our conclusion that he is a shit skater and consumer with little of value to add to Canada.”

That said, I will return Vic. And do better. Promise.  

Last visit this was a hole in the ground.

Evidence of an advanced civilization. State-of-the-art bicycle infrastructure throughout Vic.