Tag Archives: Wellness

My No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Year, So Far

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“It’s not how many times you get knocked down,” Stuart Smalley, Socrates or some spandex shorts wearing high school football coach once said, “it’s how many you get back up.” I’m not sure who to credit with this well intentioned quote because 2014 has not just knocked me down, it has damn near knocked me out.

To fully appreciate my wretched present, we have to rewind to October when I tore a calf muscle while doing too many hill repeats in prep for the Seattle Half Marathon which I ended up missing. Even writing “half marathon” makes me laugh now. I took four weeks off and then returned slow and easy. On the fourth recovery run the calf again rioted. So now I’m not even half way through an eight week hiatus. The other day I started corralling wayward Christmas tree needles when I had to turn the vacuum off and sit down and rest before continuing. All this, eighteen months removed from long distance triathlon success. We are always the last to know when we’ve peaked.

Add into the mix an enlarged prostate which means sucky sleep, contacts that are shot meaning sucky vision, and an unplanned trip to Dante’s Inferno compliments of an influenza roundhouse that left me too sick at times to watch television. Somewhere along the long downward spiral, I went from thinking “I should probably try to get back up and do Stuart Smalley or Socrates proud,” to “Screw it, I’m just gonna curl up in the fetal position and stay down. If I tuck tight enough it may not matter if 2014 continues kicking me in the gut.”

A part of staying down was going to the dermatologist who always smiles when she sees me. You’re thinking she’s probably turned on by me, but I looked liked I just returned from the lower levels of Hades. She always smiles at me because my tired skin pays for her boat. She has zero interpersonal skills, but she’s damn good with a liquid nitrogen canister. It was as if 2014 asked her to liquid nitrogen me until I begged for mercy. So now, a few days later, red blotches are forming all over my formally handsome self. And I haven’t shaved for ever, I need a hair cut, and if my sinuses weren’t completely blocked I’d probably lay on the floor of the shower for awhile.

Like a paratrooper who perfects her aerodynamic tuck, I thought if I just give in to my cosmic fate, I’ll hit bottom faster and bounce higher when I do. So why not roll the dice with one of the things I most cherish, my marriage.

“You know when I asked if you’d get me some 7-Up or Sprite?” “Yeah.” “Well, the funny thing about that is that’s what my mom always gave me to drink when I was sick as a kid. It’s funny, there’s something about a near-death experience that makes a part of me still want my mom. That’s probably the least masculine thing I’ve ever said, huh?” “A mother’s love is primal.” Say wha?! The first sign yet the calendar may not have it out for me.

And then I visited Australia, well actually an Australian blog after the author visited here. And I read this:

People often ask me what it’s like living with a chronic illness. And by ‘often’, of course I mean never.

So, for the benefit of absolutely no one, allow me to explain. You know that feeling you get when you start to come down with something? Your throat starts to hurt and your glands swell up. Your sinuses block and your nose starts to run. Your head hurts and you can’t think clearly. Your bones ache, your body feels weak and no amount of sleep seems to make a difference.

Well, to the best of my admittedly limited scientific knowledge. . . these are actually the body’s natural defences for fighting off infection. It’s your immune system switching on and kicking in to gear.

And these are the symptoms I’ve had 24/7 for the last seven-and-a-half years. Because, as I’ve explained before, my body has been fighting off an infection it can’t beat and my immune system remains permanently in the ‘on’ position.

The good news is that it means I rarely get whatever bug it is that’s going round. Happy days. The bad news is that I permanently feel like I have the flu. Not so good.

Of course, there are other symptoms, too, like sensitivity to light, noise, cold and heat, significant memory impairment, insomnia, chronic pain and various bodily dysfunctions not appropriate to discuss in this type of public forum. And that’s without the introduction of any number of medical treatments — and believe me, I’ve tried a few — which inevitably make you feel worse than you did to begin with.

So, in short, living with a chronic illness is a real party and that’s your answer.

The first gift of 2014. Perspective.

I am fortunate that the relentless attack on my body is abating and that most of my many ailments are fixable. I will ask the lifeguard to roll my pathetic, coiled bod across the deck and into the pool in a day or two. I will try to ascend the trainer tonight and soft pedal while watching college basketball. The torn fibers in my calf muscle will eventually reattach. I will start running in mid February and should be back to semi-normal in June. Meds make the prostrate manageable. I will make an appointment with the optometrist. My ugly sores will heal. I will shave my face and head. Then I will shower, put on clean clothes, and resume my rightful place among the mostly living. And that is the best I can do.

The State of the Blog

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Long time readers may know that when I began blogging in January I said I’d post weekly throughout the year and then decide whether to continue indefinitely. Somewhere along the way, I decided to post a few times a week. 

Random thoughts on my blogging experience to this point:

• I appreciate my commenters, but in general, it hasn’t been as interactive an experience as I had hoped.

• The limited interaction is okay because it has forced me to continually think about why I’m writing. One reason is because it contributes to a “decluttering of the mind.”  I’ve enjoyed taking nebulous thoughts about things I’ve thought a lot about , meritocracy or youth sports for example, and clarifying them. I think, “Okay, it’s nice to have finally captured those thoughts, now I can move on.”  

• A related potential benefit is going back to the captured thoughts and expanding on them sometime soon. When I look back over the year’s posts, I see a lot of essays in the making.

• Another thing I’ve enjoyed is looking at the broad outline of my post topics. The written record is a map of my thought process. I knew I had wide ranging interests, but I’ve been surprised by the number of topics I’ve chosen to write on and how often I switch gears among them.

• Related to that, I don’t regret writing on any particular topic, but I think I need to narrow my focus in order to strike a better breadth/depth balance. 

• I’ve learned blog readership depends largely on entrepreuneurial know-how and drive. I’m not entrepreuneurial, and haven’t marketed “Welness Writ Large” so my readership remains humble. Still, there’s positive momentum. The three top months in terms of viewers—1) November; 2) September; 3) October.

• A third of the time I think I need to pull back and just think/write off-line. Two-thirds of the time I feel like continuing. So I’m leaning towards continuing.

• Over time I’ve grown less fond of the concept of “wellness.” I’ve tried to expand it’s definition along the way, but it still does not feel robust enough for what I most enjoy thinking and writing about. So I think I need one more name change. 

• Maybe I can narrow my focus by forcing myself to delete some of the categories that I haven’t written as much about.

Thanks for reading.

Of What Value is Art?

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Forget Wall Street and Detroit for a minute. Should we subsidize more artists?

Some would say “yes” because art suffers as a result of market competition. The artist says my concern is less with developing a distinctive style or voice than with earning a livable wage, less emphasis on what do I need to say or create and more on what does the audience want to hear and see. 

Some would say “no” because art benefits from market competition. The artist says my economic vitality is dependent upon me developing a distinctive voice and style, yet at the same time, I have to attend to my audience’s interests, desires, and tastes. As a result, art advances.

We have the National Endowment of the Arts that supports some artists, but those monies are miniscule relative to the national budget. In Norway, I was intrigued that new buildings have to budget something like 2% of their total building costs to public art.

Seattle Half Marathon Report

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At 7:20 a.m. on Sunday, November 30th D and I found ourselves in a serious traffic jam on the sidewalk in front of the Experience Music Project in downtown Seattle. D ran professionally for nine years beginning in the late 70’s. 2:11 marathon; 4th in the Olympic Trials; 4th in the Boston Marathon, first American. Blew his knee out skiing a decade ago and has built it back through cycling. Now that he’s able to run 25/30 pain free miles a week, he thought he’d give the half a go.

I take responsibility for screwing up pre-race. We should have approached the start from the back instead of the front. Long story short, after hoping a few barricades, it took us 54 seconds to get to the start and then we had to slowly weave our way down 5th street. In a way it was kinda funny, D has gone from Wide World of Sports to mixin’ it up with the masses and the 1:45 Half Marathon pacer.

D ran a 1:26:36 which translates to a 1:25:42  and I ran a 1:34:42 or 1:33:48. I didn’t realize D and I were in the same age group until after the race or I would have taken him. I could have easily tripped him from behind on 5th street. I’m used to D dropping me on the bike. Now I have to get used to him running away from me. Some summer day at the lake I’ll be getting T ready for an Ironperson. D will be kickin’ it on a raft and I’ll say let’s go running and cycling boy. And then T and I will swim farther and farther away from him, and then we’ll accelerate, and maybe, just maybe, he’ll have a little more compassion for us mortals, bah, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Knowing beforehand that I’d lose touch with D from the get go, I threw together a “13.1” playlist and iPoded the run for the first time ever. So being a good academic, I should credit all the people who helped me along the way:

• Mile 1, Janet Jackson, That’s the Way Love Goes, “My love is blind can’t you see my desire.” Oh yes Janet, I can see it.

• Mile 2, Jill Scott, Golden, “I’m livin’ my life like it’s golden golden.” Easy for you to say, you’re not running up hill.

• Mile 3, America, Horse with No Name, “The heat was hot. . .” Love that phrase, I’m just not sure what the cold equivalent would be, the chill was cold?

• Mile 4, Elton John, Benny and the Jets, “Oh Benny, she’s really keen. She’s Got electric boots, a mohair suit. . . ” I always thought it was electric boobs. That’s kinda disappointing.

• Mile 5, I Feel For You, Chaka Khan, “Baby, baby, when I look at you I get a warm feeling inside.” I get that a lot.

• Mile 6, Bye Bye Love, The Cars, “You think you’re so illustrious, you call yourself intense.” If I wasn’t intense would I have just drenched my contacts with Gatorade?

• Mile 7, President, Wyclef Jean, “Instead of spending billions on the war, I could use it to feed the poor.” Preach it brother.

• Mile 8, No One, Alicia Keys, “You and me together through the days and nights, I don’t worry because everything is going to be alright.” Wowa Alicia, I think we should take things a little slower.

• Mile 9, I Wish, Skee-Lo, “I wish I was taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had girl who looked good, cuz I’d call her.” They just don’t write lyrics like that anymore.

• Mile 10, Serpentine Fire, Earth, Wind, and Fire. “I wanna see your face in the morning sun ignite my energy.” I get that a lot too. 

• Mile 11, Whole Lotta Love, Led Zeppelin, “You need coolin, baby, Im not foolin, Im gonna send you back to schoolin,” As an educator, I thought it was important to have at least one reference to school.

• Mile 12, Country Grammar, Nelly, “I’m goin down down baby yo’ street in a Range Rover, street sweeper baby, cocked ready to let it go, shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to it pound, light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now.” Who knew Nelly smoked cigars? Thanks to L for meeting me at mile 12 and handing me the stogie.

• Mile 13, Lose Yourself, Eminem, “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo.” Enuf said.

The Greater Good

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In a few days the race to put up Christmas lights will begin in my hood. I’m anticipating a tight battle between PC and the Malamute for first place. In a month, the fam and I will drive slowly through our neighborhood and a few others rendering judgement on Christmas lights and decorations.  

“Wowa, nice lightage, I thought the deer was real, nine. Eight. Nine. Ten. Nah, can’t be a ten, Santa needs more air, he’s melting.”

Eventually we’ll pull up to our house and the grief will begin. “Zero! Zero! Dad, come on, it’s embarrassing.” And once again I’ll explain that by not putting lights up I’m contributing to the greater good because our dark house makes the others look so good by comparison.

No, its not just that I’m too darn frugal. Ten years ago, when we first moved to Olympia, I spent the first December silently staring at our roof. Day after day. At the end of the month, the family gathered around hoping I’d finally speak.  When I said, “Damn, that’s a steep roof line,” they couldn’t have been more disappointed. 

So the following year, I stared at the roof for a few days, recalled the double X’s disappointment, pulled lights out from under the house, and got the ladder out. Game on.

Fast forward thirty minutes. I’m spread eagle on the highest, steepest point of the roof, left arm and leg down one side, right arm and leg down the other, and I can’t move. PC finds it so funny he stops working on his lights to watch me try to figure out what to do. Instead of lending moral support he makes a few snide sexual jokes that I don’t find as funny as I might normally.

It was an unexpected place to take stock of my life and what I was most going to miss about it. I’m only half joking, I didn’t know if I could reverse my tracks without sliding off and I didn’t know if I’d survive the 15-20′ fall. I just hoped my family would appreciate the fact that I checked out trying to bring them a little Christmas joy.

When I got down and thanked PC for his wonderful support, I was shaking. Right then I swore off our roof for good. You want lights, find another house. 

Since then the X’s have made half-ass efforts at putting up lights above the garage and around the front door.

It’s sad they haven’t embraced my “greater good” argument, but what can I do?

As I write this, I’m staring out my home office window at the exact part of the roof where I almost met my maker. Over the years a light layer of moss has formed on the wood shake panels. And they’re moist this afternoon as a result of this morning’s fog.

Until they find another house, I will focus on living and the neighborhood’s greater good.

Thanksgiving DayS

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Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year, hands down. Especially when I can avoid congested freeways and flying.

In part because it’s among the least commercial.

We don’t have any elaborate traditions really, we tend to slow down, kick on the gas fireplace, catch up with one another, eat too much, and reflect on how much we have to be thankful for. On the weekend we’ll cap it off with 24 hours in Seattle where I’ll burn off some of the extra calories in the Seattle Half Marathon. 

Interesting context for Thanksgiving this year. People are losing their jobs while their homes and retirement accounts rapidly decline in value. And despite the excitement generated by profound political change, there’s deep-seated foreboding about our economy and the world’s economy. Recently, my international stock index fund crossed the “minus 50% year to date” threshold.  

On a personal level, this academic year is shaping up to be considerably more stressful than normal. And yet, I have so much to be thankful for. . . a secure job, inspiring students, wonderful friends, a healthy and loving family, a warm home, ample food, a beautiful place to live, a peaceful political transition, and I could go on and on.

What I wonder though is how can we infuse a Thanksgiving-like appreciation for all we have to be thankful for throughout the year? 

At the beginning of this year, I wrote about our impending trip to Norway in this way, “My hope is we’ll be changed as a result of our Northern retreat, both individually and collectively.  When school and full-time work begins again in September, and we return to our regular routines, I hope there’s a legacy of intimacy that helps us better manage the pace of modern life and relate to one another and others with even more patience, kindness, and love.”

I don’t feel as if I’ve succeeded in managing the pace of modern life, therefore, I doubt that I’m relating to my family and others with increased patience, kindness, and love.

Managing the pace of modern life and incorporating a Thanksgiving-like appreciation throughout the year are closely related. Slowing down is a prerequisite for taking stock of one’s personal “for this I give thanks” list. 

More specifically, a commitment to daily meditation or prayer helps, as well as, associating with people who have a year-round thanksgiving-orientation.

How do you combat cynicism and negativity? What suggestions do you have for me as I try to be even more thankful throughout the year?

Election 2008

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I’m passing the baton on this one.  Here’s as clear, thoughtful, and comprehensive summary of where we are as you’ll probably find on the net. Scroll down his blogroll to the “W’s” to find a really excellent blog. Sorry to my left-leaning readers for the “W” reference at this pivotal point and time. 

I’ve set a record for time spent reading about, watching, and discussing this election. Thank goodness I don’t know the total hours spent. Why did I spend so much time, it wasn’t like I was trying to figure out who to vote for?

From elementary school on we’re told every vote counts, but I suspect many of us didn’t really believe that in our gut until the last few presidential, and in some cases, state and local elections.

I believe the marking and mailing of my ballot was an event of real consequence for myself, people in Washington state, other Americans, and people worldwide, but it was EVENT.  Even though the people I help elect will spend the next 2-6 years making very influential decisions, I believe the daily decisions I make to parent, write, exercise, read, socialize, spend, and invest are PROCESSES that in the end, will have an even greater consequence on my well being.

Alcoholism

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John Daly. Professional golfer. Bomber off the tee with amazing touch around the greens. More personality than most PGA foursomes. Major championship winner. 89th on the all time money list at $9m.

History of drinking, divorce, domestic violence.

Found last week in a drunken slumber outside a closed Hooters restaurant in the middle of the night in Winston Salem, NC. Apparently had drunk so much and become so belligerent his friends bus-left him.

Seattle sports talk host, like others in the media has two things to say. 1) Funny mug shot and funny that Hooters is one of his primary sponsors. 2) Sad that he could have been financially independent “and lived a life others just dream about” if he had just not drunk so much.

There’s absolutely nothing funny about alcoholism. Ever. It’s an insidious disease. Nearly every recovering alcoholic stays sober with the help of others in an Alcoholic Anonymous like support group. I knew Daly was in trouble when from the very beginning he said he wasn’t into meetings, he was going to beat it himself. 

I couldn’t feel more differently than the Seattle sports talk host.

Let’s not confuse one’s W-2 forms and one’s legacy. Talk host would lead us to believe Daly’s tombstone will read, “Earned $9m, but it easily could have been double that.” 

The tragedy is not Daly’s unfulfilled golf potential and lost income. The tragedy is the shattered lives he’s left in his wake—children, ex-wives, friends, family, business associates.

Hope I’m wrong, but I don’t expect it to end well for Daly or for those who still care about him.

Finish Strong

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No, this isn’t about the election.  It’s about well. . . finishing strong.

When shooting hoops, always end with a swish from downtown. Backing up, holding the release, palming your face, and yelling “face” to no one in particular is optional.

When putting before teeing off, always end with a made putt. Pumping your fist ala Tiger is optional.

When retiring for the evening, always end with hugs, kisses, and rubs for the kids, partner, and dog. Stories, prayers, and tuckies are optional.

When swimming the 500 free, always save a little sumthin’ sumthin’ for the last 100.  Hoping out and dressing before your opponents touch is optional.

When eating Thanksgiving dinner, always end with warm pie and cold ice cream. Pretending to be European and lingering at the table for hours on end is optional.

When putting a wrap on a cycling season, always end with an epic ride in a beautiful setting with good friends. Using the brakes on the icy sections is optional.

Mount Rainier—Descending Sunrise—photo credit "T"

Rainier—Descending Sunrise—photo credit "T"

Swim-Bike-Run

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The past week at a glance. Every workout, except half of Saturday’s and all of Sunday’s, completed before sunrise.

Friday, running day, however, I felt like I returned to the regular running schedule a bit too quickly post marathon so I decided to swim instead. I was invited to join the Masters so I chased Geraldine for 75 minutes.  650 warm up. Main set 6×300, descend 1-3  and 4-6 on 5:00. Not sure of my splits, but Geraldine kept putting 20 yards into me. 50 easy then 3×200 on 3:20. Again, I wasn’t getting my splits. I like Mel’s rest intervals better than my own. Then a 4×100 pull set and a 100 cool down. Classic Mel, no strokes. Total, 3,600 yards, but I always record meters, so 3,330m.

Saturday, 10+ mile run in 1:19+. First time I felt normal post marathon. Lots of trails, Woodland, Watershed, LBA. Surprise, surprise, M and I got into a heated argument which always leads to a quicker pace. I don’t understand economics or taxes because I’ve never sat in a boardroom, yet he routinely criticizes public school teachers. Usually, I can manage the irritation, but about once a year, I completely snap. I’m good until 2009. I apologize for my language if you were anywhere near LBA park last Saturday morning.

Sunday, cold weather cycling experiment. 35 degrees, can I hang? I decide to give it a try, and if I can’t cut it, I’ll bail before joining the group at 4 miles. Craft base layer, medium weight base, expedition weight base, long sleeve jersey, arm warmers, long bottoms under long bibs, two pairs of socks, toe covers, two pairs of gloves, hat under helmet. I produced a large load of laundry, but proved the Norwegians right-there’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. The suggested route called for an early climb and about 40 miles in total. Perfect, until we went straight when we were supposed to go left. Three, five, seven extra miles. . . times two. Are we ever going to head north again or are we taking the train back from Portland? 55 miles later, the mercury climbed to 46. The only thing I took off all morning were my arm warmers. Mission accomplished. 1,500′ of climbing at a relaxed 18+mph.

Monday, 6.16 mile run in 47+ for a 7:41/mile average.

Tuesday, solo swim. 1,000 yard warm up, every fourth alternate back then breast, 15:45. Kick 200; one arm drill 100; fingertip drag 100; 100 easy. 4×300 on 5:00 in 4:25, 19, 17, 3. 5x100IM on 1:55 in 1:36-1:37, last 1:33. 100 cool down. Total, 3,300 yards or 3,000m.

Wednesday, 6.75 mile run in 51:31 for a 7:38/mile average.

Thursday, solo swim. 1,000 yard warm up straight free, 14:45. Kick 200; one arm drill 100; fingertrip drag 100. 2×200 back then breast two times on 3:50, back in 3:27, 3:27; breast in 3:30, 3:30. 5×200 on 3:20 in 2:55, 51, 45, 38, 55. 100 cool down. Total, 3,300 yards or 3,000m.