15 yard penalty for helping make the phrase “breaking news” meaningless. 
ESPN Fail
Reply
Tag Archives: NFL
Shannon, Stephen A. disagree on NFL MVP this season
Never mind that the season hasn’t started.
This is a new low.
Even with the intense individualism that marks life in the (dis)United States, I will never understand the preoccupation with MVP races.
Last I checked, basketball, football, baseball are team sports. I don’t give a shit about who is the most valuable player. Now, mid-season, late season. Tell me one thing, what’s your winning percentage?
That said, it’s prob time to name the MVPP. . . Most Valuable Pressing Pauser. Are you a contender or pretender? Contender. . . someone named DanDanTheRetiredTranspo Man; Don in the premier destination for technology development; the GoodWife for her behind the scenes support, Reverend Wright, two Centrist baboons, the list goes on and on. If you’re not on the short list, I suggest you work a little harder on your brand.
It Is More Blessed To Give
Could Denver’s point center be any more different than their football team’s image conscious media loving quarterback? More Jokić and less Wilson please.
I Tutored The NFL’s Single-Game Receiving Record Holder
It’s 1985 and I’m a UCLA graduate student making big bucks working for the athletic department as a tutor for “Intro to Western Civilization”.
I was helping a potpourri of athletes including an Olympic gymnast from Mexico, a female swimmer (too attractive, hard to concentrate), a future NBA all-star, and a handful of football players. One of whom was the star wide receiver. The others, including Flipper Anderson from New Jersey, were having moderate success in his shadow.
In an effort to build rapport, I asked them what they planned to do after graduating. I almost lost Flipper right out of the gate. He chuckled at my stupidity. “Play in the league man.”
Inside, I marveled at his swagger. He was so slight, Chris Rock-like, maybe 165 pounds soaking wet. No way in the world I thought, just another out-of-touch athlete. But there was one thing I couldn’t see that first night in the athletic office. He was a serious burner.
Not only did he play ten years in the NFL, he still holds the record for the most receiving yards in a single game. 336 yards. The story is detailed here.
Never judge a book by its cover.
Inspire Vapidness
When it comes to the written word, I cherish brevity. Friday night after dinner I was watching television downstairs while the Good Wife, the good daughters, and Meg, the Eldest’s good partner, were all upstairs in the kitchen cackling about, as it turned out, Meg mindlessly putting the Gal Pal’s last puzzle piece in the jigsaw The Good Wife had been working on for three months. Among other things.
So I decided to write a story about the evening from my downstairs perspective. I couldn’t really make out their dialogue, so I improvised. Ready?
“And hilarity ensued.”
Pretty damn good, huh?! My story left the Good Wife perplexed. I admitted it lacked character development, but that wasn’t enough of a concession for her. She said a story has to have a beginning, middle, and end. I will not be boxed in, so I will not be rewriting it.
So I suppose I should give the National Football League’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers some credit for their brevity, but their back of helmet two-word slogan, “Inspire Change”, couldn’t be more vapid.
What’s wrong with “Inspire Change”? First and foremost, it’s hella vague. What kind of change exactly are we to inspire? Heaven help us if it’s Florida-DeSantis change. Without specifying, are we to assume it’s change just for the sake of change? If that’s the case, the Bucs need not worry because change is INEVITABLE. Thus making the slogan utterly unnecessary.
Bonus football observation from the second half of Sunday’s Seattle Seahawks-Detroit Lions shootout. Apparently, to play tight end in the NFL it’s not enough to be 6’6″, run like the wind, and have great hands. You also have to have REALLY long hair. Who knew?
Sentence To Ponder
“The Bears have been bereft a true franchise quarterback since Hall of Famer Sid Luckman retired in 1950.”
Good luck Justin.
Weekend Required Reading
1. The US is building a bike trail that runs coast-to-coast across 12 states.*
2. The pandemic is speeding up the mass disappearance of men from college.
3. Europeans “get” station wagons in ways U.S. drivers do not. Could this begin to change that?
4. Trump Was the Swamp. Persuasively argued, but come on, no credit for pardoning Lil Wayne?
5. Biden Gave Trump’s Union Busters a Taste of Their Own Medicine. Elections have consequences.
6. Mina Kimes Eats All-22 Tape for Breakfast. Love me some Mina, but her brain and communication skills seem better suited to weightier subjects.
* thanks DDTM
Stop The Steal 2
I hereby declare the Seahawks won Sunday. If you read what the Constitution says about professional football, you’ll learn the Lamestream Media has no business calling a winner. I will be filing a lawsuit against the NFL to recount the score, and if deemed necessary, replay the game. We scored the most points of any team ever against the Buffalo Bills. Then, mysteriously, a bunch of points started appearing for the Bills. And it’s not fair that some of the game officials were wearing Bills masks! None of our team managers were allowed to watch the scorekeeper enter the scores either. What’s at stake? Just the whole integrity of the League. We will never concede.
The Return of Pro Sports
Image
Sometimes I Amaze Myself
Of the many athletic accomplishments in my life, and a pending ESPN documentary tentatively titled “Wonderbread” will detail them for history’s sake, I might be most proud of my winter 1982 feat.
In mid-December 1982, on break from school in SoCal, I flew to Tampa Bay to visit my parents who had recently moved there.
When I arrived on December 19th, my dad informed me he and I were going to that afternoon’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers NFL game against the Buffalo Bills, a 24-23 win for the home team which is now trending for some reason(s).
A week later, pops came through again with tickets to the Lions game, a 23-21 win. And a week later, a day before my return to the Left Coast, the ticket trifecta, a 26-23 OT win over da’ Bears.
1982 was a strike shortened season, 9 total games, 5 home, 4 away. I was in town for 15 days and saw over half the Buc’s home games.
Pick your parents well.
Pressing Pause 