In Today’s News

In the interest of helping the growing number of journo’s on the sexual harassment beat with their untenable workload, I have created a template:

“Today, [insert number] women [or substitute underaged men or just men if applicable] have accused [insert name of Hollywood director, writer, actor, comedian, Congressman, former/current President, professor, executive, publicity titan, veteran political journalist, athlete, celebrity journalist, studio head, fashion photographer, Olympic team doctor] of allegedly [insert type of harassment—groping them while posing for a picture, talking about sex with them, telling them he deserved to see them naked for all he had done for them, touching them in an improper way, repeatedly making sexual comments at work, kissing them and grabbing their breasts during a work meeting, chasing them around a hotel room naked, masturbating in front of them, raping them]. [Insert name again] has released a statement through his attorney saying he is extremely sorry if anyone has been hurt by his actions.”