Empathy Impaired

Posted on August 4, 2010 by Ron Byrnes

The New York Times’ commentators have been writing a fair amount about how to revive our moribund economy and related issues like consumer and government spending, taxes, and unemployment. Sometimes I find the readers’ “recommended comments” more interesting than the essays themselves. They’re liberal and decidely cynical about life in the U.S. today. Their most common rallying cries are corporate greed, class warfare, out-of-touch politicians, and right-wing media.

Recently, they’ve been most fired up about members of Congress being out-of-touch with ordinary citizens, many who have been laid off, and too many that appear to be entering into permanent unemployment.

The question I haven’t seen asked is how does one, whether a member of Congress, or a college professor, develop empathy for the under-employed or short, medium, or long-term unemployed? The best answer of course is direct personal experience, but giving up one’s job in the interest of greater empathy doesn’t make much sense.

There have to be better ways, whether documentaries, essays, novels, photographs, music, and plays, that can help humanize the out-of-touch among us. The arts seem especially well suited to this task. I wish The Times’ irate, cynical commentators would each choose an art form and begin telling their stories with the out-of-touch Congress as their primary audience.

The Nostalgia Trap

Posted on July 28, 2010 by Ron Byrnes

As I age, I’d like to avoid many middle-aged and elderly people’s penchant for complaining that “compared to back in the day, the world is going to hell.” Much of that pessimism rests on selective perception. Except for the clinically depressed, isn’t life a constantly shifting mix of good and bad?

Here’s a related NYT book review excerpt from a new novel “Super Sad” which takes place in the near future.

“Mr. Shteyngart has extrapolated every toxic development already at large in America to farcical extremes. The United States is at war in Venezuela, and its national debt has soared to the point where the Chinese are threatening to pull the plug. There are National Guard checkpoints around New York, and riots in the city’s parks. Books are regarded as a distasteful, papery-smelling anachronism by young people who know only how to text-scan for data, and privacy has become a relic of the past. Everyone carries around a device called an äppärät, which can live-stream its owner’s thoughts and conversations, and broadcast their “hotness” quotient to others. People are obsessed with their health — Lenny works as a Life Lovers Outreach Coordinator (Grade G) for a firm that specializes in life extension — and shopping is the favorite pastime of anyone with money. It’s “zero hour for our economy,” says one of Lenny’s friends, “zero hour for our military might, zero hour for everything that used to make us proud to be ourselves.”

Is your relative optimism or pessimism based upon the quality of your nation’s governance, economy, and military, or as I suspect, more on the nature of your personal budget, the status of your family’s and your health, the quality of your friendships, and the relative purposefulness of your work.

I’m feeling positive about life today in part because of a post run lake swim, an enjoyable dinner with three friends, and an amazing sunset over the sound.

I have downer moments, days, and weeks like everyone.

I prefer spending time with people who reject the myth of a golden yesteryear and what sociologists refer to as “deficit model” thinking and show empathy for the truly unfortunate. People whose thoughts, words, and deeds are more hopeful than cynical.

Mental File Folders

Posted on July 23, 2010 by Ron Byrnes

Social psychologists suggest our brains are filled with mental file folders of sort that enable us to take short cuts when bumping into or first interacting with people. Labels such as male, female, rich, poor, overweight, African-American, professor, Wall Street banker, southerner, foreigner, libertarian, conservative republican, liberal democrat, elderly, homeless, aspergers, gay, lesbian, environmentalist, evangelical Christian. We also have thinner files that might be (awkwardly) labeled, “male, conservative republican, evangelical Christian”.

Without our mental file folders, we’d have to make sense of each new person from scratch; consequently, we’d be too overwhelmed to function normally.

The question though is how thick are our respective folders? In our increasingly diverse world, we can get into serious trouble when our folders are so thin that we succumb to inaccurate stereotypes. Everyone has preconceived notions about other groups of people. The best antidote for negative preconceived notions is getting to know a wider range of diverse individuals through direct daily experience. Only then can you get a feel for a key cross-cultural insight or sensibility, that the individual differences within each file folder are typically greater than between them.

Our challenge as multicultural people is to do two things simultaneously, to recognize that there are group patterns, themes, and differences, and to recognize that the individual differences within each group are usually greater than the differences between groups. There’s lots of evidence that not everyone is up to this relatively sophisticated, multitasking, social psychological balancing act.

Fast forward to Thursday night’s training ride with about thirty other cyclists. Early on, heading out-of-town, I was spinning casually in the back (like Lance Armstrong) when a new rider introduced himself. At 20mph we talked for the next ten minutes. A military officer with about 20 years experience. Our worldviews couldn’t have been more different. We discussed drones in Afghanistan, the McChrystal firing, and his work more generally.

I’m about as dovish as they come and he was all hawk. I was unpleasantly surprised by his “I sleep well at night” lack of introspection. Cue the “military personnel” folder. Fortunately in that folder are a few “pieces of paper” representing the marines I met while teaching in Ethiopia. They were based at the US embassy and would travel to our school to hoop it up with us once or twice a week. We became friends. They invited a few of us to the embassy in the middle of the night to watch the World Series, and without knowing it, they helped me rethink my preconceived notions of military personnel.

So I’m adding my new cycling acquaintance to my “military personnel” folder, but not overgeneralizing about all military personnel based upon my admittedly brief interaction with him.

Team E

Posted on July 2, 2010 by Ron Byrnes

If you’re not careful, you learn something almost every day. Following the Gore’s separation, a bevy of social scientists materialized to suggest that the institution of marriage isn’t necessarily meant to last fifty plus years. Normal for things to run their course. People develop different interests (global warming, massage therapy), resentments build, with adult children, no harm done if both people want to ride into the sunset solo.

These modern, progressive notions were swirling around in my head when I visited with Uncle E recently. UE and Aunt E must be pushing 60 years of marriage, well past what some social scientists would expect.

I hadn’t seen Team E for three years and they had aged seemingly more than that. UE detailed his most recent health setbacks, all serious, and truth be told, I felt very fortunate to be talking to him after a particularly tough fall 2009. I doubt he would have survived it without AE’s friendship and loving care.

After the medical update, the conversation turned to three of Team E’s loves, University of Montana athletics, family, and travel. The order of the “loves” isn’t accidental. I seriously doubt there are more committed Griz boosters. Some social scientists argue that like Marx’s thinking about religion, sports are the opiate of the masses. They serve as a diversion from widening class differences and pressing social problems. I’m sympathetic to the argument. How can we maintain a vibrant democracy when we spend 99 times more time and energy focused on LeBron’s next team as compared to what’s happening in Afghanistan?

Yet, listening to UE, I couldn’t help but think a lot of social scientific theory is complete bullshit. Griz athletics are part of the glue that have held Team E together. They look forward to games, sometimes traveling long distances to attend them, they sit side-by-side, AE tolerates UE’s barking at the refs. Win or lose they leave with another shared experience in the memory bank. Griz athletics are an important part of the glue that holds Team E together. It’s a wholesome diversion from global politics, chemotherapy, pending bills.

AE talked excitedly about the planned family reunion this summer and both told alternate chapters of last summer’s 1,700 mile + car trip to every corner of Big Sky Country.

It’s a touching, inspiring love story that fortunately challenges the modern paradigm in myriad wonderful ways.

Random Acts of Kindness

Posted on June 25, 2010 by Ron Byrnes

Example one. In February, I wrote about a fellow passenger rescuing L and me from a stranded Amtrak train in Portland.

Example two, also in February, admittedly more subtle, but still a kind, selfless gesture that was also greatly appreciated. A short simple phone call from a colleague across campus during an especially difficult work experience.

Example three, Wednesday, June 23rd, Mount Rainier National Park. Three maniac cycling friends and I have climbed from just inside the Nisqually Gate to the top of Paradise, past a partially melted Reflection Lake, then through Steven’s Canyon, Box Canyon, and back. The maniacs extended it to Ohanapecosh and back, so I was climbing solo, trying to ride each mile in about six minutes.

My two bottles of gatorade were still in the freezer where I set them during breakfast to get cold (note to self—ride checklist). A friend lent me a bottle, and I had some electrolyte pills, but there was no water after topping off at the Visitor’s Center. So there I was with about 8 ounces and 8 relentless miles of climbing left. Not a good ratio.

An angel disguised as a shirtless 23 year old pulled up next to me in a purple Buick with New Jersey plates. “How YOU doin’ on water?” “Not so good actually.” “I’m going to pull over.” No where to pull over, he stops in the road, jumps out, grabs a gallon jug of water from his back seat and tops me off. “You didn’t look so good.” Well hell I thought, I didn’t feel so good. “Man, I really appreciate it, you’ve got good kharma today.” “Training for anything?” “Ah, no, not really.” I should have got his picture, although as an angel, he may not have been visible. I kept giving him a thumbs up while he was taking pictures along side the road, in one case while standing on top of his hood. Pictures like these.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.