On one of my running routes, right behind Squaxin Park, there are two next-door neighbors from opposing tribes. One house decked out in red, white, and blue MAGA signage; the other drenched in aging Tibetan flags, with a decidedly liberal-hippie vibe.

One day Mr. MAGA said “hi” to me from his driveway. Nice that he doesn’t read the humble blog.

I wonder what kind of relationship these neighbors have with one another? Do they talk to each other? Borrow sugar from one another? Watch each other’s homes when on vacation? Bring in one another’s trash cans? The mind whirls.

This morn, in Mr. MAGA’s yard, there was a “Semi Bird” for Governor sign. I immediately suspected Semi was for the birds. I did a (very) little sleuthing and was not at all surprised to learn Semi is not a conventional candidate. This article, “WA governor candidate says ‘no excuse’ for financial crime” was the first clue.

Bird appears to have learned nothing from the leader of his party.

“In an interview Tuesday, Bird, now 63, said he makes no excuses for the mistake decades ago. ‘Guilty as charged — 100%, he said. ‘It was wrong. He said he was estranged from his father at the time and was ‘bitter’ and ‘angry’ and ‘tried to justify’ his actions, but said ultimately ‘there was no excuse.'”

That is weirdly straightforward and honest.

There have been other legal problems and debts, both of which are much more in keeping with the leader of the Republican Party.

For example:

“In 1996, Bird was arrested and charged with felony theft for failing for many months to return a pistol he’d been issued as a Yakima County sheriff reserve officer after departing the role. The charge was later dismissed after the gun was found and returned. In 1999, he filed for bankruptcy.”

But who among us hasn’t used a parent’s name and social security number to supplement our income and/or forgotten to return a pistol we’ve been issued. I, for one, will not cast the first stone.

However, I’m not willing to give the Bird “campaign” a pass on one unforgivable sin committed against the English language. The offending phrase first appears in the opening sentence of Bird’s “Story” on the campaign’s unwieldy website.

“Semi Bird is a career American who has spent a lifetime in service to his country and community.” The offending phrase repeats throughout the site.

I don’t have Bird’s history of playing fast and loose with the law, but I am a career American too, so maybe I should run for office. I bet there aren’t many career Americans around. I bet the electorate is desperate to vote for a real, living breathing, career American.

For shit’s sake.

Why did I see that sign and how do I unsee the mindless phrase “career American”?