Pro Proximity

I’m sorry, but as a professor I have to sporadically use unnecessarily complex words. Like “sporadically” in place of “once in awhile”.

More illustrative of this professional obligation is the term “dialectical dilemma” which is when two seemingly conflicting things are true at the same time. Por exemplar, I annoy people*, you annoy people, people inevitably annoy one another, a little or a lot, some of the time, or nearly all of the time. It’s just baked into our daily lives. We give and we get.

Social scientists keep learning about all the ways close interpersonal relationships, or more plainly friendships, are essential to our well-being. Especially as we get closer to senior discounts.

So what are we to do? We annoy each other, but need each other.

Some people choose to live in remote settings where they’re way less likely to interact with others. Thus, they’re way less likely to be annoyed, while simultaneously giving up the substantial benefits of social interaction.

To each is own of course, but I’m convinced we should embrace the risks of being annoyed by living in closer proximity to others. Put differently, we should design our lives so we have to interact with others on a regular basis. Knowing our feathers are going to get ruffled.

Zillow has a cool feature called the “Walk Score” for residences. Our old home had a Walk Score of 0. Our new one has a Walk Score of 65. From the country to the city we go.

One day last week, the Good Wife tricked me bigly. “Do you want to weed the front together?” she asked. I knew I was looking especially fetching, but that was a shameless come-on if I ever heard one. I pictured us rolling around in the dirt. Maybe? Instead, once I got into full tree trimming and power weeding mode, she announced she was going inside.

Then. It. Happened. It turns out we live on a major bike route. Someday, if you bike from downtown Olympia to the Westside, you will go right by our house. In an hour, 15-20 cyclists went by. Of all sizes and shapes. After a kitted-out BTorian passed on his mountain bike, he turned back and said, “Is that Ron Byrnes?!”

A little later Suzie, the owner of a downtown art gallery stopped on her ginormous Specialized e-bike. And we talked and talked and talked. She asked me when I’m getting an e-bike, which in hindsight, prob shoulda prepared me for the Burgerville bullshit.

And then Burke, from two houses down came over, and we talked. About how middle schoolers care about one thing, peer relations, and therefore will say ANYTHING to preserve them.

Long story short, in one hour I spontaneously interacted with more people than I did in eight years at our Nature Park residence. Which is good for me, because I’m an introvert.

So six miles and 65 points later, I’m damn near a social butterfly. A slight exaggeration, but don’t hate me because you ain’t me.

*Last week, when I was in too big of a hurry, I may have left my Costco cart against a curb in the parking lot instead of returning it to the cart stand. A women in a minivan slow rolled right by me, GLARED at me and then WAGGED her finger at me as if I had just run over a kitten and a puppy. It was so over the top, it didn’t have the intended effect. Instead of feeling shamed, I felt amused and amazed that I could annoy her that easily.

Boycott Burgerville

Every year this time of year, Mount Bachelor calls, and some crazed cycling friends and I answer. I will not run or swim this week, just turn the pedals. Over and over. Big ups to the daughters for looking after their momsie.

When I travel, I mentally prep by imagining all the bad things happening, canceled flight, middle seat, etc. In this road trip case, construction delays, accidents, and who knows what else.

And therein lies the problem, my imagination wasn’t up to anticipating today’s crisis. There I was pulling into Burgerville for an early lunch before juicing up the electric whip in Sandy. Because I always try to eat healthy during Big Weeks, I said to the speaker, “I’ll have a 16 ounce strawberry shake.” Don’t judge me, it’s fruit, right?!

“$5.99 at the second window.” “Okay, thanks.”

Then, right as I began to finally empty my bulging coin purse, it happened. The crisis I did not anticipate.

“Oh. Senior discount. $5.39.”

Nevermind the carbon fiber bike in the back of the $40k car, Oregon thinks I deserve an “old person” rebate of 60 cents. Hey Oregon, how about discounting Millennial milkshakes since most of them, unlike me weren’t born at the right time to the right two parent family.

Senior discounts don’t make any sense for the half of seniors doing well. But this story isn’t about flawed economic and tax policies. It’s about my ego and how a woman at Burgerville shattered it. It may take all week to recover.

Sentence To Ponder

“Following a public outcry from parents and teachers, the Los Angeles Unified School District has decided to make timed reading tests optional for most transitional kindergarten students.” LA Times.

Who the hell at the District came up with the idea of timed reading tests for four year olds in the first place?

CNN Is Having A Moment

Ripping on CNN is a popular past time.They usually earn the criticism. But right now, the network is having a moment.

Specifically, last night Kaitlin Collins wasn’t the least bit scared of Cancun Cruz. Everything started out quite copacetic, but eventually she pressed him hard, and he melted down as if he was wrapped in a beach towel on a Cancun chaise lounge* in his suit and tie. Collins for the win.

Tonight Abby Phillip wasn’t the least bit scared of Byron Donalds. Donalds weaved and bobbed like a young Cassius Clay, but Phillip landed several body blows.

Collins-Phillip are a young, smart, poised, self-confident duo doing serious journalism in a format that seemed irredeemably broken.

A special thanks to the Celtics for the assist. If they did not have a double digit lead on the Pacers, I would not have seen Philllip v Donalds.

* I double-dog dare you to find a better chaise lounge song.

Team Kendrick Lamar

Told the Good Wife I’m on Team Kendrick Lamar in the second highest profile feud going today. After, of course, Trump-Cohen. She asked what he’s like. I explained, “He’s edgy, from Compton, more of a populist. More substantive lyrics. Drake is more commercial, always seeking the limelight, and will never have a Pulitzer.”

Then this dropped. Oops. If I’m honest with myself, maybe I’m not the rap connoisseur I think I am.

Postscript: The article says Drake lives in a $100m mansion, so I guess Kendrick Lamar can still claim to be more of a commoner.