Author Archives: Ron Byrnes

Boycott Burgerville

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Every year this time of year, Mount Bachelor calls, and some crazed cycling friends and I answer. I will not run or swim this week, just turn the pedals. Over and over. Big ups to the daughters for looking after their momsie.

When I travel, I mentally prep by imagining all the bad things happening, canceled flight, middle seat, etc. In this road trip case, construction delays, accidents, and who knows what else.

And therein lies the problem, my imagination wasn’t up to anticipating today’s crisis. There I was pulling into Burgerville for an early lunch before juicing up the electric whip in Sandy. Because I always try to eat healthy during Big Weeks, I said to the speaker, “I’ll have a 16 ounce strawberry shake.” Don’t judge me, it’s fruit, right?!

“$5.99 at the second window.” “Okay, thanks.”

Then, right as I began to finally empty my bulging coin purse, it happened. The crisis I did not anticipate.

“Oh. Senior discount. $5.39.”

Nevermind the carbon fiber bike in the back of the $40k car, Oregon thinks I deserve an “old person” rebate of 60 cents. Hey Oregon, how about discounting Millennial milkshakes since most of them, unlike me weren’t born at the right time to the right two parent family.

Senior discounts don’t make any sense for the half of seniors doing well. But this story isn’t about flawed economic and tax policies. It’s about my ego and how a woman at Burgerville shattered it. It may take all week to recover.

Sentence To Ponder

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“Following a public outcry from parents and teachers, the Los Angeles Unified School District has decided to make timed reading tests optional for most transitional kindergarten students.” LA Times.

Who the hell at the District came up with the idea of timed reading tests for four year olds in the first place?

CNN Is Having A Moment

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Ripping on CNN is a popular past time.They usually earn the criticism. But right now, the network is having a moment.

Specifically, last night Kaitlin Collins wasn’t the least bit scared of Cancun Cruz. Everything started out quite copacetic, but eventually she pressed him hard, and he melted down as if he was wrapped in a beach towel on a Cancun chaise lounge* in his suit and tie. Collins for the win.

Tonight Abby Phillip wasn’t the least bit scared of Byron Donalds. Donalds weaved and bobbed like a young Cassius Clay, but Phillip landed several body blows.

Collins-Phillip are a young, smart, poised, self-confident duo doing serious journalism in a format that seemed irredeemably broken.

A special thanks to the Celtics for the assist. If they did not have a double digit lead on the Pacers, I would not have seen Philllip v Donalds.

* I double-dog dare you to find a better chaise lounge song.

Team Kendrick Lamar

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Told the Good Wife I’m on Team Kendrick Lamar in the second highest profile feud going today. After, of course, Trump-Cohen. She asked what he’s like. I explained, “He’s edgy, from Compton, more of a populist. More substantive lyrics. Drake is more commercial, always seeking the limelight, and will never have a Pulitzer.”

Then this dropped. Oops. If I’m honest with myself, maybe I’m not the rap connoisseur I think I am.

Postscript: The article says Drake lives in a $100m mansion, so I guess Kendrick Lamar can still claim to be more of a commoner.

How To Be More Honest?

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Having blogged for a decade plus, I run the risk of repeating myself. But maybe you’ll forgive me if I come clean about it.

In September, 2018, I started a post titled “What We Get Wrong About Honesty” this way:

That it’s mostly telling the truth to others. But being honest with one’s self is a more essential starting point, and because we lack any semblance of objectivity, far more difficult.

None of us are ever completely honest with ourselves.

Especially as a writer, I want to be more honest with myself, and by extension, my readers. I suspect that starts with more honest internal dialogues.

My older sissy said something seemingly innocuous to me awhile back, that I can’t stop replaying in my head. I was telling her I want to really improve my freestyle swimming, but it’s hard given the years of imperfect muscle memory. I explained that I had checked a book out of the library that broke the freestyle stroke down and had watched lots of youtube vids.

I thought I had made a convincing case that I wanted to improve, I for sure had convinced myself, but when I came up for air, she offered this brutally matter-of-fact reply, “No, you don’t.”

Staggered by her honesty, I forget what came after that.

As soon as I regained my footing, I realized she was right. My efforts to improve were superficial at best. I hadn’t worked with a coach. I hadn’t used video. I hadn’t committed to the drills that help improve one’s catch.

Despite saying I want to improve, my elbows still drop, I still slap the water, and I don’t rotate nearly enough. My stroke is a mess, but that’s not the point. The point is, with no coach, with no video, with no commitment to drills and going slower to eventually go faster, I should stop lying to myself about wanting to improve. I should just accept that my stroke will always suck.

Of course, my shite freestyle doesn’t matter, at all, but the all important question raised by my sister’s “No, you don’t” is what else am I lying to myself about? Surely, lots of stuff of far more consequence.

I may never have high elbows, but can I learn to be more honest with myself, and by extension, you? I don’t know. But I think I’ll try. Just don’t tell my sister.

The Move Do Over

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Dan Dan the Retired Transportation Man wasn’t having my tongue planted firmly in-cheek misrepresentation of our new digs. In hindsight, it was dumb to try to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes after inviting DDRTM and his lovely bride to the new crib.

Here’s the new east-facing downtown Olympia, WA/Mount Rainier view from the backyard deck yesterday aft. If I had panned to the left, you’d see the Port of Olympia, to the right, the Capital Dome in all its liberal Democrat glory (until Bird is elected).

In fairness to my playing fast and loose with the truth, we are a half a mile from the urban core and you can almost see the aforementioned alley in this picture.

The truth of the matter is the move was not the result of too much nature, but you knew that already because you’ve read me enough to detect sarcasm. And there’s no such thing as too much nature. Nature is like Costco’s chocolate Tuxedo cake, you can never have too much.

All I think I can safely say is the move was a result of the Good Wife’s considerable health challenges. Maybe I can say a little more without getting into trouble, Walking up and down stairs more specifically.

I am keenly aware of my privilege, moving from one very nice house with amazing views to another beautiful, like-new house with a very nice view. The material comforts are less important than the fact that the new crib works a lot better for the GalPal. It’s just a bonus that I can mow the front and back lawns in about 5-7 minutes.

One wonders, what will I do with all the saved “yard” time? A few things. I will use some of it to craft more subtle and nuanced made up stories that even DDRTM cannot detect. And the rest to ponder who the hell the “we” is when Orange Jesus says, “We are so innocent”.

Tim Scott And The End Of Democracy

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Jamelle Bouie for the win, “The One Thing Trump Knows He Wants in a Running Mate”.

“[Trump] has also said that he would not rule out the possibility of political violence. ‘t always depends on the fairness of an election,’ he told Time magazine in another recent interview.

There is no need for Trump to say anything else; all the Republicans vying to stand by his side understand that they’ll lose their shot if they accept the basic democratic norm that a loss may not be overturned after the fact. When asked several times if he would accept the results of the 2024 election, Senator Tim Scott of South Carolina — one of the leading contenders for Trump’s running mate — would repeat only a single, rehearsed statement. ‘At the end of the day, the 47th president of the United States will be President Donald Trump.’

I saw the Tim Scott video and couldn’t help but think about how loathsome he is. But upon thought, “loathsome” isn’t sufficient, dangerous is more apropos.