In “Why Garrison Keillor’s Fall From Grace Feels Particularly Queasy-Making” Ruth Graham writes:

“But there were always reasons to suspect that Keillor’s folksy persona wasn’t a true portrait of the man: the unseemly lawsuit against his neighbor, the messy personal life. In interviews, he often comes off as aloof and awkward. A profile last year in the New York Times ended with the radio host breezing past the reporter after a show without acknowledging her, or even seeming to recognize her. “He is certainly the strangest person I know,” the writer Roger Angell, his one-time editor, said in that piece. ‘I don’t think he’s necessarily a happy man.'”

Word of 2017. . . p-e-r-s-o-n-a.

Lesson of the year. Never say you like an actor, athlete, President, business leader, comedian, musician, religious leader, etc., because you don’t know them, just their public persona. Let’s seize this moment to distinguish between people’s true selves and their often carefully crafted personas. Do that by referencing the specific part of the public figure’s work you like, Garrison Keillor’s Prairie Home Companion, Taylor Swift’s music, Bill Cosby’s Cosby Show, Russell Wilson’s athleticism, Barack Obama’s foreign policy.

The people who wear Russell Wilson jersey’s to Lutheran Church of the Good Shepherd this time of year do not know Russell Wilson. It doesn’t matter that they hear he visits the Seattle Childrens’ hospital regularly and is beloved by Alaska Airlines execs, they still don’t know him. All they know is he can play quarterback.

Despite listening to her music all the time and reading about her regularly, the Youngest doesn’t know Taylor Swift. All she can know for sure is she can sing, make slick vids, and sell music. That’s the 1% of the iceberg that’s visible, the other 99% inevitably includes lots of unflattering stuff.

TSwfit is a performer. Like Garrison Keillor, Bill Cosby, Russell Wilson, the President, your member of Congress, and quite possibly, your pastor, boss, and neighbors. Everyone.

You might know a couple of people. Their hopes, dreams, inner demons. None of whom are likely public figures.

Our shock at each name added to the list of alleged sexual predators speaks volumes about our susceptibility to celebrity culture. Their abuse of power and often criminal treatment of people is the story; but our collective, predictable naivety, is the silent subtext.

I’m thankful for so many things including my family’s health, my health, this weather front from Hawaii, my work, my Church Council colleagues, clean flannel sheets, and Ruth Whippman’s America the Anxious.

Read the whole book, but Chapter 8, a critical history of the Positive Psychology movement, is especially insightful. Positive psychology, or happiness studies, is only twenty years old. After studying the financial backers that gave rise to it, and the founding academics’ research, here’s Whippman’s critique:

“Clearly anyone in the happiness trade has a strong financial incentive to at the very least play up the amount of agency we have over our own well-being and to play down the elements that we are unable to change. And, like the self-help industry, positive psychology almost defiantly downplays the role of our life circumstances in our happiness. In contrast, it emphasizes to the max the ability of the individual to radically alter his or her own levels of contentment by sheer effort and force of will.”

Whippman later turns up the heat:

“With its almost belligerent denial that structural obstacles to happiness exist, it seems to promote a dangerous level of social and political disengagement about tackling the injustices of the wider world. On a more personal level, I find it unforgiving and dismissive of others’ often very real problems and all too liable to veer into victim blaming. Most important, it seems to undermine the very idea of a supportive community in which we all take responsibility for one another’s welfare, something that is at the very foundation of happiness.”

Whippman convincingly argues that the scientific basis of the movement is mostly smoke and mirrors. She exposes famous academics’ research as seriously flawed. I want to see how they respond. They have gotten very rich inaccurately marketing happiness studies as scientific.

Whippman’s review of relevant research coupled with personal forays applying happiness strategies, leads to provocative insights. Among the most important:

• To be more happy, stop thinking so much about how to be more happy.

• Instead, be more social. Spend more time with people, than alone.

• Also, stop trying to avoid sadness and related negative emotions. Embrace them as inevitable parts of life.

That last point is especially important for parents of children who increasingly experience anxiety. Whippman argues the rise in anxiety among children and adolescents is largely a result of helicopter parents attempting to shield their children from challenging life experiences and the negative emotions that often accompany them.

The Torah says, “We see things not as they are, but as we are.” Meaning I read this book as an endurance athlete. Athletes improve their fitness by running or swimming or cycling or lifting weights to the point that their muscles breakdown. Then, as a result of sleep and scheduled rest, the muscles rebound past the original point, meaning the athlete is stronger and more fit. They key is repeated exposure to resistance followed by rest.

To truly flourish in life, all of us, but young people in particular, need more resistance, or in modern parlance, we need to “lean in” more to life’s difficulties. Then, overtime, through the help of supportive friends, parents and/or public institutions, we will bounce back more resilient and happier than before. Two steps forward, one back. Or more accurately, two steps backward, one forward.

Too many parents want to protect their children from any steps backwards, but when it comes to their mental health, that backfires. Once, when the Eldest was 12 or 13 years-old, her soccer team turned more competitive. As a result, she rode the bench for most of a soccer doubleheader one cold, wet weekend on a muddy field in Shelton, WA. The GalPal and I were both bent as a result of this unexpected turn of events. On the drive home, the Good Wife informed me she was, “Going to talk to the coach!” To which I responded, “No you’re not.” Her instinct was understandable, but it’s exactly what Whippman says parents should guard against.

As it turned out, Eld was well-liked by her teammates and they rallied around her. She moved on from the demotion way more quickly and skillfully than her parents. I’m not sure how I succeeded in talking the GalPal down from the “talking to the coach” ledge; but as a result, Eld is a little more resilient, and according to Whippman, probably a little more happy.

When dealt a setback in life, don’t side step the inevitable negative emotions, instead, get more comfortable being uncomfortable. And unless it’s physical or emotional abuse, teach your children to do the same. They’ll thank you as adults with improved mental health.

If you’re like me, you can use a laugh. Cue “Suspect asks for a ‘lawyer, dawg’. Judge says he asked for a ‘lawyer dog’.”

Despite the allegation of a serious crime, I double dog dare you to read it without laughing aloud.

“Reason’s Ed Krayewski explains that, of course, this assertion is utterly absurd. Demesme was not referring to a dog with a license to practice law, since no such dog exists outside of memes. Rather, as Krayewski writes, Demesme was plainly speaking in vernacular; his statement would be more accurately transcribed as “why don’t you just give me a lawyer, dawg.” The ambiguity rests in the court transcript, not the suspect’s actual words.”

“Trump, more gangster than entrepreneur, has long surrounded himself with bottom-feeding scum, and for all his nationalist bluster, his campaign was a vehicle for Russian subversion.”

Go Goldberg.

1. When the Revolution Came for Amy Cuddy.

Because I know you’re as fascinated by social science politics as I am.

2. What’s So Bad About Ken Burns?

Because I know you’re as fascinated by history politics as I am.

3. New Zealand Government to ban foreigners from buying property.

Shit, that’s what I get for equivocating.

4. Paul Newman’s Rolex . . . fetches $17.8m.

Or about $16.8m more than expected. Great insights on marriage tucked in, including Newman saying a good marriage requires lust, respect, patience, and determination.

5. Teachers’ perceptions can become reality for students.

“Teachers expect 58 percent of white high school students — but just 37 percent of black high school students — to obtain at least a four-year college degree. And when evaluating the same black student, white teachers were 9 percentage points less likely than their black colleagues to expect that student to earn a college degree. This bias was more flagrant for black male students than for black female students.”

6. It’s time to admit that allowing men into the workplace was a mistake.

I like Ruth Graham.

“You might be able to make the case that if we just put strict limits of their leadership opportunities, we could avoid banning them from the workplace entirely. Sadly, however, it has now become clear that many men are not just incompetent but also dangerous. One recent poll found that 30 percent of women have endured unwanted advances from men they work with, with the majority of those women saying those advances rose to the level of sexual harassment.”

Satire people. I think.

I’m involved with a number of intense conflicts—in my work life, in my civic engagements (vague enough?) and my non-work life (even more vague, must protect the innocent). Fortunately, I’m mostly a minor character in the conflicts which provides the opportunity to do a lot of thinking about patterns and themes. Conflict is no fun, but the silver lining is I’m learning lots about different types, common causes, and preventive measures.

This focus on conflict prompts thinking about how job seekers find work that pays a livable wage? And how do they stay employed over time? A higher education, a trade, specialized knowledge and skills all increase the odds of finding and keeping decent paying jobs.

Thanks for that Captain Obvious.

Less appreciated is the incredible value of in-depth knowledge of conflict and conflict resolution skills. If there is a “Golden Ticket” to work place success, this is it. Last week, I told my student teachers that if I was a principal interviewing them (or for that matter, a business owner hiring anyone for my business), I’d ask, “What’s your approach to conflict resolution?” I’d seek applicants who would help our school community have fewer conflicts and help resolve inevitable ones as skillfully and expeditiously as possible.

If interviewing you, I’d listen to how intelligently you talk about conflict, specifically assessing whether you’re knowledgable about the different types, common causes, and preventive measures. I’d also listen for references to active listening and perspective-taking, giving extra-credit if you mention one or both. I’d do all of this while studying your demeanor, specifically whether you’re poised and calm or harried and tense.

I might ask about a conflict you played a part in and what you learned from it. And how teams are better and possibly worse as a result of your presence. Be prepared for me to ask for a specific example or two.

The leaders in the conflicts that currently occupy my time, have failed to maintain positive working relationships with those they lead. In every instance, the end result has been anger, distrust, hurt feelings, and a decline in the team’s work.

The only constant in today’s especially fluid economy is interpersonal conflict. It is not rising or falling, it’s constant, like a heartbeat. And Artificial Intelligence will be no match for it.

Anxious about how to find or keep a job that pays a livable wage? Become an expert in conflict—what causes it; the different forms it takes; and most importantly, how to solve it. To do that, be more introspective than you’ve been to this point about your strengths and vulnerabilities as a human being in close relationship with others. Self understanding is a key ingredient to avoiding conflicts and thoughtfully solving them. The better you get at avoiding conflicts and thoughtfully solving them, the more valuable you’re going to be to your work teams. The more valuable you are to your work teams, the brighter your employment prospects.

Best of all, heightened self-understanding and specialized conflict resolution knowledge and skills are directly transferable to non-work, personal relationships; consequently, an especially fortuitous ripple effect is more harmonious personal relationships and a better quality of life more generally.

Blessed are the peacemakers.