Or tries. Maybe he should hire me to oversee his public relations. Here’s what I would’ve had him read.
“When I said the earth was flat, you thought I was joking, but I wasn’t. That should of been a sign. The year I spent in college, I rarely went to class. Who needs Earth Science or Twentieth Century History in the League? Employ me to quarterback your professional basketball team at your own risk.”
It’s 1985 and I’m a UCLA graduate student making big bucks working for the athletic department as a tutor for “Intro to Western Civilization”.
I was helping a potpourri of athletes including an Olympic gymnast from Mexico, a female swimmer (too attractive, hard to concentrate), a future NBA all-star, and a handful of football players. One of whom was the star wide receiver. The others, including Flipper Anderson from New Jersey, were having moderate success in his shadow.
In an effort to build rapport, I asked them what they planned to do after graduating. I almost lost Flipper right out of the gate. He chuckled at my stupidity. “Play in the league man.”
Inside, I marveled at his swagger. He was so slight, Chris Rock-like, maybe 165 pounds soaking wet. No way in the world I thought, just another out-of-touch athlete. But there was one thing I couldn’t see that first night in the athletic office. He was a serious burner.
Not only did he play ten years in the NFL, he still holds the record for the most receiving yards in a single game. 336 yards. The story is detailed here.
Never judge a book by its cover.
Badass personified.
Versus a traditional sports psychologist whose primary objective is improved individual performance. A sports therapist strives to help players in team sports get along with one another. Which, in theory, should translate into improved team play.
Given the number of professional basketball players with mental health challenges, why don’t NBA teams have sports therapists on their staffs? Or maybe they do already?
No one should expect Steve Nash to figure out what’s going on in Ben Simmons’ and Kyrie Irving’s heads (and hearts). In fact, the New Jersey Nets should have a few sports therapists who specialize in working with elite athletes on their staff.
Related. The Los Angeles Lakers want to bring Russell Westbrook off the bench. Which raises the already high odds that the Lakers-Westbrook divorce is going to be a doozy. Yes, you are correct, there’s been plenty of Russ drama already, but buckle up for more. The Lakers put the “fun” in dysfunction.
Another prediction. The revamped Lakers will spend the season looking WAY up at Golden State and Denver. Bold, I know.
Things aren’t always as they appear. Or maybe that saying needs updating. . . things rarely are as they appear.
Case in point, Molly Seidel, Olympic medalist, who is especially ebullient in public.
From Runner’s World, “Molly Seidel Want You to Know That She Still Struggles.”
Another reason to error on the side of kindness.
When it comes to the written word, I cherish brevity. Friday night after dinner I was watching television downstairs while the Good Wife, the good daughters, and Meg, the Eldest’s good partner, were all upstairs in the kitchen cackling about, as it turned out, Meg mindlessly putting the Gal Pal’s last puzzle piece in the jigsaw The Good Wife had been working on for three months. Among other things.
So I decided to write a story about the evening from my downstairs perspective. I couldn’t really make out their dialogue, so I improvised. Ready?
“And hilarity ensued.”
Pretty damn good, huh?! My story left the Good Wife perplexed. I admitted it lacked character development, but that wasn’t enough of a concession for her. She said a story has to have a beginning, middle, and end. I will not be boxed in, so I will not be rewriting it.
So I suppose I should give the National Football League’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers some credit for their brevity, but their back of helmet two-word slogan, “Inspire Change”, couldn’t be more vapid.
What’s wrong with “Inspire Change”? First and foremost, it’s hella vague. What kind of change exactly are we to inspire? Heaven help us if it’s Florida-DeSantis change. Without specifying, are we to assume it’s change just for the sake of change? If that’s the case, the Bucs need not worry because change is INEVITABLE. Thus making the slogan utterly unnecessary.
Bonus football observation from the second half of Sunday’s Seattle Seahawks-Detroit Lions shootout. Apparently, to play tight end in the NFL it’s not enough to be 6’6″, run like the wind, and have great hands. You also have to have REALLY long hair. Who knew?
Tweet to ponder.
This is one of the Former Guy’s better ideas. We all lack self esteem and could use more positivity in our lives. In fact, I’m going to adopt this practice. So I’m now hiring. Since I’m not quite the public figure the Former Guy is, I will expect more direct positive reinforcement especially when on the golf course.
If you think you can say, “Great shot Ron, that tree had no business being there, the course architect is a sad (sick) person.” Or “Amazing round Ron, so much winning, the LIV Tour should sign you.” Then please apply. There’s no actual compensation, but being in my presence is priceless.
From a profile of Johnny Mac.
“The tennis commentator Mary Carillo, a fellow New York native and his mixed doubles partner for their win at the French Open in 1977, recalled an 18-year-old McEnroe losing his temper with a waiter at a Paris cafe that spring. McEnroe spent several minutes yelling ‘omelet du fromage, which was the only French he spoke, at a waiter who ignored him. The waiter finally wandered over and quietly, but dismissively told McEnroe, ‘The omelet is closed.’
‘To this day when we’re arguing about something and I’m done with it, I just say, ‘the omelet is closed,’ said Carillo. . . .”
It’s almost impossible to believe a Trump business is failing. But that’s what Slate is reporting, “Truth Social is strapped for cash and struggling to find new users.”
“Earlier this week, Fox Business reported that the company stopped paying RightForge, a conservative internet infrastructure company, in March and now owes the vendor at least $1.6 million in backdated payments. While RightForge CEO Martin Avila has said that the company is ‘committed to servicing’ Truth Social, the platform could lose its hosting services if it continues to withhold payments.”
And dig this:
“Trump himself seems unconcerned by the issues. On Monday, he posted dozens of messages promoting blatant conspiracy theories like QAnon, which are largely banned on mainstream platforms.”
The Former Guy is talking QAnon and demanding that he be reinstated. But Biden is the one who is slipping?!
In related news, the Portland Trailblazers want the NBA to correct the no-foul call that was gifted the Lakers in the closing seconds of the 2000 Western Conference Finals. And I want a recount of the 1977 Lexington Junior High student body President election. All I need is 11,670 votes.
Man a live, the humble blog goes way back. I searched the archives for “Reggie Miller” to see if I ever shared my Reggie Miller story, and sure enough I did in a 2009 “Friday Fitness Update”. Here it is again.
In my fifth year at UCLA, while working on my MA, I got a job tutoring athletes. After my first session, bossman asked if Reggie Miller showed. I said no so he told me to call him up in the dorms and ask him where he was. “Reggie, this is Ron. . .” “Oh man,” he interrupted, “I thought you were a woman!” I told him there wasn’t much I could do about that and he never showed. Not sure if he passed Western Civ, but he’s done okay for himself.
Fast forward to Reggie’s post NBA life. Miller works as an NBA commentator for TNT and college basketball analyst for CBS Sports. More interestingly, he’s become a serious cyclist, he has an affinity for mountain bikes in particular. Recently, he competed in a 100 mile gravel race in Colorado.
I read a Wall Street Journal article about his turn to cycling and it referenced his Strava account, a personal fitness app that my friends and I use to keep tabs on one another’s athletic doings (and Dan, Dan, The Transpo Man’s lawn mowings). After reading the WSJ article, I put in a “follow” request on Reg’s Strava page and as you can see below, he has yet to accept.
Come on Reg, accept the request! Class of 84′ and 85′ and your former assigned tutor. You ghosted me then, don’t ghost me now.
Once this post goes viral, he’ll have no option but to accept. I will be sure to let you know as soon as Reg and I are Strava friends.
Pressing Pause 