How Not To Apologize

Another master class, this time from Shane Gillis.

From today’s New York Times—Shane Gillis Dropped From ‘S.N.L.’ Cast Among Criticism For Racist Slurs. Shortest S.N.L. career ever.

After being caught uttering racist shit on tape and film Gillis apologized by saying, “I’m happy to apologize to anyone who’s actually offended by anything I’ve said.”

I’m guessing he could’ve salvaged the biggest break in his life had he shown genuine remorse, by you know, mentioning specific things he said that were hateful and the specific people most effected. But obviously, he felt so little remorse, he couldn’t fake it.

His non-apology apology translates this way, “Screw any and all of you who are too sensitive for your own good.” A sentiment that always works wonders when reconciling with others.

Janos is FULL TWITER KING

Ever find a t.v. show really funny and recommend it to someone only to find them question your sanity? Is at example Port Landia.

With that caveat, I have a way to infuse your life with a major dose of humor, especially if you like basketball and follow the NBA. Although Alison Byrnes, Janos’s twitter feed is so funny in some cases that’s not even required.

The second sentence of this post is not a typo, it’s me trying to write “Janos”. I stop not until I perfection it.

When I spent a month in China in the late 90’s, the very first thing I did whenever I checked into a hotel was break open the informational materials. They were so poorly translated, I’d sit on the side of my bed howling.

Janos is China hotel industry on steroids. Thanks to him or her, for the first time in a long time, I think I might be able to survive the Trump presidency.

The only problem with Janos is he’s a Celtic’s fan. Here’s a few recent favs:

I AM TELL YOU ON RONDOS. He is do 17 assist of point also many reband! The Very Smart is talk on his FULL leadership. I am tire Westbok. I am tire rocket beard. I AM PREFER RONDOS!

hi is janos . I am not do a funny on you. i am sad for you . Next couple week you are loose on playof . then lebrun going leave you go new team . nobody going make articles about you next year . You will be forgot team;, no hope. you are get grade F.

Son is ask me not do post on him ;, but he is get new job put window in truck take window out of truck. is long time no job so i am very proud . Trouble now he is want to learn to do boxing . i am not think he is need take punch in face and head . Girl is not like the ugly .

Tatum is one day put number in roof . I am do OFFICIAL PREDICT on this.

Thank you Full Twiter King for lightening ups thing.

Saturday Assorted Links

1. Lasers Reveal a Maya Civilization So Dense It Blew Experts’ Minds.

“Not far from the sites tourists already know, like the towering temples of the ancient city of Tikal, laser technology has uncovered about 60,000 homes, palaces, tombs and even highways in the humid lowlands.

The findings suggested an ancient society of such density and interconnectedness that even the most experienced archaeologists were surprised.”

Decidedly not a shithole civilization.

“The total population at that time was once estimated to be a few million. . . . But in light of the new lidar data, she said it could now be closer to 10 million.

‘To have such a large number of people living at such a high level for such a long period of time, it really proves the fact that these people were highly developed, and also quite environmentally conscientious.'”

Absent the United Fruit Company and the CIA, the Mayans’ ancestors would be a lot better off today.

2. First Do No Harm, Health Care Waste in Washington State.

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3. The shocking thing about D.C.’s schools scandal — and why it has national significance.

“. . . schools were essentially juicing the books to make it seem like they were graduating more students. Scams included phony “credit recovery” programs, failing to count all students, and, as the District just found out, letting kids graduate without the qualifications required for a diploma.”

And on Michelle Rhee, the darling of right wing business mad “reformers”:

“. . . the produce-or-else testing culture that she fostered — tying portions of some evaluations to growth in scores and securing commitments from principals to hit numerical targets — created a climate of fear, in the view of many school employees.

It also coincided with evidence of cheating on annual city tests.

A climate of fear in a school has never been known to produce much of anything useful.”

4. Ethiopia’s regime flirts with letting dissidents speak without locking them up. Incremental progress.

5. Letter of Recommendation: Rodney Dangerfield.

“Imagine having no talent. Imagine being no good at all at something and doing it anyway.”

6. How Building Codes & Taxes Shape Regional Architecture.

“Ever noticed how the bricks on newer British buildings are bigger, or stopped to appreciate hand-stenciled wallpaper, or enjoyed a sip from a fancy hollow-stemmed glass? If so, you may well be admiring a product of regulation and taxes as much aesthetic tastes. From basic materials to entire architectural styles, building codes and taxation strategies have had huge historical impacts on the built world as we know it.”

Add that to the ever burgeoning list of things I did not know. I’m sure DAByrnes did though.

“Dutch canal houses are another classic example of how rules and regulations can shape structures. Taxed on their canal frontage rather than height or depth, these buildings grew in tall and thin. In turn, this typology evolved narrower staircases, necessitating exterior hoist systems to move furniture and goods into and out of upper floors.”

Dinner Party

You know the deal, you can can invite any eight people from the past or present. Because you’re a more substantive person than me, you go for spiritual insights—Jesus, Ghandi, the Dali Lama, Mohammed—and in-depth discussion of social change—MLK Jr., Jane Adams, Nelson Mandela, and Mother Teresa (a two-fer).

I want to laugh so I’m inviting Jonathan Goldstein (love listening to Wire Tap), Kenny Mayne (love watching Mayne Street), Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, Chris Rock, Scott Seaman, and Jon Stewart. I think Goldstein, Fey, Rock, and Seaman write all their own material, but I’m unsure of Mayne, and based on the writers’ strike, it’s obvious Colbert and Stewart are writer-dependent. So the eighth seat will be reserved for one writer of their choice who I’ll seat between Colbert and Stewart with notepad and pen. 

Stewart (or more likely one of his writers) on Mark Sanford, South Carolina’s Appalachian Trail loving governor, “Another case of a conservative politician with a liberal penis.” That’s what I’m talkin’ about.