Recently, the Good Wife told me I am a conflict avoider. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it.

I may not communicate as much as she’d like, but my hilarious, nonstop comedy routine has to compensate. Doesn’t it?

We’re learning to work though conflict by assiduously avoiding “you” statements and instead saying how we feel and what we want. What the social scientists refer to as “soft skills”.

Here’s the relationship saving formula, just in case, in the distant future, any of you ever experience conflict with someone special. I feel ____________. I want ____________.

I shocked the Gal Pal last night when I voluntarily shared some of my innermost thoughts. I asked her, “Are you up to doing some active listening?” Half in shock, she quickly said, “Yes.”

“I feel bereft. I want UCLA to play better next year so I don’t have to go through another March Madness feeling so left out.”

After she thoughtfully paraphrased what I was feeling and wanted, and showed me real empathy, I felt a lot better.

Conflict avoider my ass. I deftly wield the softest of skills.